And you have to promise me no "diddlies" or "doodlies."
Friend, you got yourself a deal-a-rooney!
D'oh!
S20Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes
S20Lost Verizon
[seeing what her parents are up to] Tracking software? [gasps] You're spying on Bart!
Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
MMoe
[Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement] That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. [Laughs] Soon, you'll be mine.
F1FBI Agent #1
[observing Moe via spy camera] Keep talking, creepo.
F2FBI Agent #2
Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
Bart, how did you get a cellphone?
The same way you got me, by accident on a golf course.
Constipated Gorilla/Denis Leary: "No longer must we live in shame, let the decree go forth, EVERYBODY POOPS!"
[Bart prank calls a Hawaiian bar]
HBHawaiian Bartender
Aloha.
Aloha to you. I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
HBHawaiian Bartender
Hang on. I'll check. Uh, has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?
[Bar patrons laugh, while the bartender glares at the phone in rage.]
[The scene switches from Hawaii to Australia as Bart calls Crocodile Drunkee's.]
ABAustralian Bartender
I've got a Drew P. Wiener(droopy wiener) here. Anyone expecting a Drew P. Wiener. I hold in my hand a Drew P. Wiener.
APAustralian Patron
Better put it down then mate.
[He and the other patrons laugh, as the bartender is enraged.]
[Scene switches from Australia to Sweden. The bar's name is Inga Bar Beermans.]
SBSwedish Bartender
Ja! I shall inquire. Is there a Mr. Myfriendsaregay, first name Olaf. Attention everyone, all of my friends are gay.
[Bar patrons laugh, slowly]
SBSwedish Bartender
Wait a minute. If I ever get a hold of you, I shall thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavors.
S20Double, Double, Boy in Trouble
[Bart is at a low end of a see-saw while Mr Burns is at the high end and won't fall]
Why won't you come down?
I told you. I only weigh as much as my clothes and keys.
[while falling] Aw, come on gravity...You used to be cool.
You just cost me $200,000!
I thought it was 50.
I was gonna bet it on the dogs!
Uh, I can explain.
Kill the child!
[Marge squats down to face Bart, but her old dress rips, and she groans in anger]
Bart, I've had it with you! I'm taking away your TV privileges.
You already did that.
Okay, then video games.
That, too.
No more non-dice broad games!
What? You can't take my Balderdash!
I just did! [Bart grunts angrily and goes to the bathroom]
You look like a dorky version of me!
And you look like a dim-witted version of me!
[angrily strangles Simon, who is impersonating Bart, while the real Bart, impersonating Simon, is in the Woosterfield limousine] You ruined everything!
Driver, laugh at those people for me.
My pleasure, sir. [False laughing]
[holding toy newspaper] For your information, The Daily Growl is the only newspaper that's not afraid to say how great this country is.
[Bart marvels at the things in Simon's bedroom]
Wow, cool poster of Joe Montana.
JMJoe Montana
[steps out of the wall] It's not a poster.
[Bart screams]
JMJoe Montana
I'm the real deal. Every day I stand here the family donates a million dollars to Notre Dame. Did you know the words "Notre Dame" are French, but the team is the Fighting Irish? That's the kind of thing I think about in here.
Back in the poster, gabby.
JMJoe Montana
Yes, sir.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.