AApu
You have made a very powerless enemy.
S19Smoke on the Daughter
Stop saying things, Bart. That's the TV's job.
CBChazz Busby
I haven't seen crap like this since my Broadway show Crap Like This. Ran for five years.
Son, while your mother and little mother are out, I'm gonna let you in on a deep, dark family secret.
You have a drinking problem?
I said secret.
I can't believe you were smoking! Do you know that sturgeon general says you're not supposed to?
A sturgeon is a fish.
And a very wise fish he is.
S19Papa Don't Leech
Bart, get me my suicide axe.
No suicide axe!
[loud whisper to Bart] Later.
I'm really worried about Lurleen.
Yeah, me too. Since her father re-abandoned her, she cut the word "pop" out of all our foods.
[Shows boxes that read ____ Tarts, Jiffy ___ ___ corn, ___eye's Chicken, ___pycock.]
[Bart pours a box of Rice Krispies, The cereal falls out of a cutout where Pop should be.]
You'd think living in a house of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing.
RDRadio DJ
Here's a song that's rising faster than a rocket with a rocket up its butt!
[to Lurleen] If you ever come near Homer again, I'll strangle you with your own hair extensions. That's right, I know.
S19Apocalypse Cow
So Dean Martin would show up at the last minute and do everything in just one take?
That's right.
But Wikipedia said he was "passionate about rehearsal".
Don't you worry about Wikipedia. We'll change it when we get home. We'll change a lot of things.
Sorry Lis, I can't be a vegetarian, I love the taste of death!
You're in a better place now, Lou. And I'll always be proud that, for once in my life, I had a cow man.
We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her "Mary." We name all our kids after what we thinks gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed In Jail?
SIStabbed In Jail
[whittling a stick] We'll see who stabs who.
Let this be a lesson to you, never form emotional attachments... also don't be a cow.
S19Any Given Sundance
[Marge is trying to find a good movie at Sundance.]
Ooh! Regularsville! This might be the one for me!
[Marge goes inside the theater and sees, on screen, a man in a bra putting on makeup.]
[Shudders and immediately closes the door.] Okay. Ooh! Candyland! A great family game is now a great family movie!
[Marge goes inside and sees on the screen, two hippies about to drug themselves with heroin]
[Shudders and closes the door again.] I get it! Every title means the opposite of what it means! Then I guess I'll love...Chernobyl Graveyard!
[Marge goes in and immediately comes out.]
I didn't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.