[Bart worsens his initial trouble about Top Hat Entertainment]
I wish I was an adult so I could break the rules.
S2Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment
[Everyone leaves Homer's house after the fight ends.]
AApu
Quite a donnybrook, eh, Mr. Burns?
Balderdash! Why, I once watched "Gentleman" Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo fellow bare-knuckled for a hundred and thirteen rounds! Of course, back then, if a fight lasted less than fifty rounds, we demanded our nickel back!
S2Principal Charming
Sweet Lord, it is! [sees Bart's name written in huge letters in the grass with herbicide] SIMPSON!!!!!! [Bart gulps; cut to the principal's office] Bart, I'm flabbergasted. Surely you knew, as you were writing your own name in 40-foot high letters in the field, that you would be caught?
Maybe it was one of the other Barts, sir.
THERE ARE NO OTHER BARTS!!!
Uh-oh.
The sheer contempt demonstrated by this incident, makes me wish I could pull the dusty board of education out of retirement. [point to the sign "In Emergency Breaks Glass"] Call your father immediately.
[Bart prank calls Moe's from Principal Skinner's office.]
Hello? Is Homer there?
MMoe
Homer who?
Homer... [making sure Skinner's not looking and lowers voice] ...Sexual.
MMoe
Wait one sec. Let me check. Uh, Homer Sexual? Uh, come on. Come on. One of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual.
[The entire bar, including Homer laughs at Moe]
Don't look at me!
MMoe
Oh no. You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, [we see Skinner holding a phone] I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip ya face off!
[insulted] You'll do what, young man?!
MMoe
[taken aback] What, what, wait, who is this?
I think the real question is who is this, AND WHERE IS HOMER SIMPSON?!?
MMoe
[realizes his mistake] Whoa whoa, sorry, Principal Skinner, sorry, it's a bad connection, I think. [to Homer] It's for you. I think Bart's in trouble again.
Doh! What's he done now?
S2Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?
Pull your chair closer, my son.
What is it, Dad?
Pee-yoo! Not that close! Sheesh. Homer, that heart attack made me realize that I'm going to die someday.
Oh, Dad, you and your imagination.
[The family says farewell to Herb as his Powell Motors complex is turned into a Komatsu Motors factory]
Bye, Unkie Herb.
Goodbye, Unkie Herb.
Goodbye, Herb.
Gee, Herb, because of me, you lost your business, your home and all your possessions. I can't help but think that maybe you'd have been better off if I'd never come into your life.
HPHerb Powell
Maybe I would have been better off? Maybe?! Why, you spongehead! Of course I'd have been better off! [boards bus that just arrived] As far as I'm concerned, I have no brother! [bus closes doors and leaves]
[consoles Homer] Hmm. Maybe he just said that to make conversation.
His life was an unbridled success, until he found out...he was a Simpson.
S2Bart's Dog Gets an F
[answers phone] Yello?
WMs. Winfield
Simpson, this is Sylvia Winfield. That canine of yours is in my pool again! I'm calling the dog warden right now!
Oh, are you?! Well, you go ahead and call your precious dog warden, you old battle-axe! Because my dog is tied up in the backyard!
WMs. Winfield
There's only one family on this block — no, on Earth — inconsiderable enough to let a monster like that roam free!
D'oh! [grunts] Are you losing your hearing or are you just stupid? I am going to explain this to you one more time, and then I'm going to hang up on you. It is NOT my dog!!! I TIED MY DOG OUTSIDE MYSELF!!! [looks at backyard] I AM LOOKING AT HIM RIGHT- D'OH!!!
[Next scene, Santa's Little Helper shakes off the water while soaking Homer in the process, annoying him further. Ned comes up to him.]
Well, hi-diddly-do, Simpson.
No way, she's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.
[sarcastically while being sick] If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.
Fine, then...Wait a minute...If Lisa goes to school, then I go to school, but then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...
Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.
[Santa's Little Helper passes dog obedience school]
EWEmily Winthrop
You son of a bitch! Good show!
S2Old Money
I think Grampa smells like that trunk in the garage where the bottom's all wet.
No, I think he smells more like a photo lab.
Stop it, you two! Grampa smells like a normal old man, which is more like a hallway in a hospital.
What are you doing tonight?
BBea
Sitting alone in my room.
Oh well, you've got plans already.
BBea
No, what were you going to say?
Oh nothing.
BBea
Oh Abe, you were going to say something.
Well, I was wondering if you and I, you know, might go to the same place at the same time and...Jeez! You'd think this would get easier with time!
BBea
[takes his hand] I'd love to.
S2Brush with Greatness
I hope all you kids come out this weekend and really pack this place, just to show em how grateful I am. I told them you would! Don't make me a liar!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No.
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No?!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No!!!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
NO!!!
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
No! No! No! NOOO! If I take you, will you two shut up and QUIT BUGGING ME?!
Yeah, of course!
Well?
BLBart & Lisa
Will you take us to Mt. Splashmore?
YES!
BLBart & Lisa
Thanks, dad!
[after he gets stuck in the waterslide] What? Come on, you stupid tube!
[Homer and Bart are up in the attic looking for Homer's exercise equipment. Bart comes across a stack of old paintings of Ringo Starr]
Hey, who's the mop-top with the big schnoz?
Don't you know anything, boy? That's Ringo Starr. [Notices Marge's signature in the bottom corner] Hey. Your mother must have painted this. I guess she thought he was kind of cute. [Flipping through the stack of paintings including one of Ringo without a shirt and another of Marge and Ringo getting married] What?? Hey! What the--? MARGE!
Now Homer, don't be jealous. I was a schoolgirl, The Beatles were very popular and I had a crush on them.
[Muttering to himself] A likely story..
[Marge accidentally walks in on Mr. Burns naked in the bathroom]
Oh my!
[grabbing a towel from Smithers] If you'll excuse me, I'm changing for a board meeting.
[closes the door] I'm so sorry Mr. Burns.
Hey mom, did he have those hideous spots all over his body?
[Burns pokes his head through the door]
I heard that! [closes the door]
Uh oh!
Would you be more comfortable if I left too, sir?
Of course not Smithers, you're...you're like a doctor.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.