“Bart's Dog Gets an F” quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

[answers phone] Yello?

Simpson, this is Sylvia Winfield. That canine of yours is in my pool again! I'm calling the dog warden right now!

Homer

Oh, are you?! Well, you go ahead and call your precious dog warden, you old battle-axe! Because my dog is tied up in the backyard!

There's only one family on this block — no, on Earth — inconsiderable enough to let a monster like that roam free!

Homer

D'oh! [grunts] Are you losing your hearing or are you just stupid? I am going to explain this to you one more time, and then I'm going to hang up on you. It is NOT my dog!!! I TIED MY DOG OUTSIDE MYSELF!!! [looks at backyard] I AM LOOKING AT HIM RIGHT- D'OH!!!

Ned

Well, hi-diddly-do, Simpson.

Bart

No way, she's faking! If Lisa stays home, I stay home.

Lisa

[sarcastically while being sick] If Bart stays home, I'm going to school.

Bart

Fine, then...Wait a minute...If Lisa goes to school, then I go to school, but then Lisa stays home, so I stay home, so Lisa goes to school...

Marge

Lisa, don't confuse your brother like that.

You son of a bitch! Good show!