Now, today's Christian doesn't think he needs God. He thinks he's got it made. He's got his hi-fi. His boob tube. And his instant pizza-pie.
“Homer vs. Lisa and the 8th Commandment” · Season 2
In this episode: Bart Simpson (3), Homer Simpson (1), Marge Simpson (1), Mr. Burns (1), Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (1), Reverend Timothy Lovejoy (1)
AMs. Albright
Today's topic will be Hell.
KKids
Ooh.
All right. I sat through Mercy and I sat through Forgiveness. Finally, we get to the good stuff.
AMs. Albright
Hell is a terrible place. Maggots are your sheet, worms your blanket, there's a lake of fire burning with sulfur. You'll be tormented day and night for ever and ever. As a matter of fact, if you actually saw hell, you'd be so frightened, you would die.
[raises his hand] Oh, Miss Albright.
AMs. Albright
Yes, Bart.
Wouldn't you eventually get used to it, like in a hot tub?
AMs. Albright
No. [Bart raises his hand] Yes, Bart.
Are there pirates in hell?
AMs. Albright
Yes. Thousands of them.
[rubs his hands] Hoo hoo, baby!
So kids what did you learn about today?
Hell.
BART!
What? That's what we learned about. I sure as hell can't say we learned about hell unless I can say hell, now can I?
Kid's got a point, Marge.
Hell yes!
Bart.
[sings] Hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell, hell.
Bart, you're no longer in Sunday School. Don't swear.
[Bart worsens his initial trouble about Top Hat Entertainment]
I wish I was an adult so I could break the rules.
[Everyone leaves Homer's house after the fight ends.]
AApu
Quite a donnybrook, eh, Mr. Burns?
Balderdash! Why, I once watched "Gentleman" Jim Corbett fight an Eskimo fellow bare-knuckled for a hundred and thirteen rounds! Of course, back then, if a fight lasted less than fifty rounds, we demanded our nickel back!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.