[A nervous Bart is seen getting dressed in his bedroom and he imagines Det. Brodka on the other side of the mirror.]
If you ever step foot in this store again, you'll be spending Christmas in juvenile hall. Juvenile Hall! Juvenile Hall!
S7Marge Be Not Proud
[Bart imagines spending Christmas in juvenile hall with the bullies]
GGuard
Stand behind the yellow line. You will now receive your gift donated by the port of authority lost and found office. Pass your chip to Santa to receive your Christmas present. If you do not have a chip, you will not receive a gift.
Whoa, the March Aid newspaper.
[receiving a carpet samples book] Cool, a book of carpet samples.
Come on new bike. [drops his chip in and is disappointed when he receives a dirty wig] Aw, a soiled wig.
SSanta
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
[Lee Carvallo's putting challenge during the closing credits.]
LLee
Welcome to Lee Carvallo’s Putting Challenge. I am Carvallo. Now, choose a club.
You have selected... 3-wood. May I suggest a putter?
3-wood. Now select force of swing. I suggest feather touch.
You have entered Power Drive! Now, push 7-8-7 to swing.
Ball is in... parking lot. Would you like to play again?
You have selected no.
STEALING?! HOW COULD YOU?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives sermons at church, Captain what's-his-name? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to see all those Police Academy movies?! FOR FUN?! Well, I didn't see anyone laughing! -Except for that one guy who made sound effects. [Homer makes a series of random sound effects then laughs] Where was I? Oh yeah, stay out of my booze.
[Bart sees a sign saying "Bonestorm - 99 cents." He rushes inside.]
I'd like to buy a copy of Bonestorm. Here's 99 cents.
[sighs] Allow me to summarize the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents. Net profit to me: negative 59 dollars. [opens the cash register] Please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it, it's yours. [Bart reaches forward to take the cash.] Eh-eh-eh--! Seeing as you are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall close the cash register at this point, and state that 99 cents is the rental price.
Then may I please rent it, please?
No, you may not. I am all out, though I do have a surprising abundance of Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge.
This is great, and all I've done is enter my name - "Thrillhouse"!
[TV screen shows 'WELCOME THRILLHO']
Hey, how come you're not playing 'Bonestorm'?
Ehh... it got boring. I'm really into this cup and ball now! [laughing] You never know which way this crazy ball's gonna go!
Yeah, right. You're just trying to trick me because you don't want me playing your video game.
[giving Bart the video game] Here, go ahead.
No, let me try the cup and ball.
Get your own!
Come on! Don't be a cup-and-ball hog!
Hey! Give it! That's mine!
[Bart and Milhouse fight for the cup-and-ball.]
MOM! BART'S SMOKING!
What's the matter with your face? Is that a fake nose? Are you wearing chin putty?
I don't have to listen of these wild allegations! [nose putty falls off and lands near Santa's Little Helper. He eats it]
[removes the chin putty and hat off Bart] Please, Bart, no more pranks. It would mean so much to me if we could have just one nice family photo.
[She shows Bart three of their last Christmas photos with his previous misbehaviors: one with Bart making a cross-eyed funny face, another with Bart using a comb to simulate a Hitler mustache, and a third with Bart holding a cardboard speech bubble that reads, "I stink!" next to Homer.]
Hey, I don't remember saying that!
[Marge exits the bathroom and joins Homer who's wearing half-moon glasses. He has found a proper punishment for Bart, while she is still distraught by his shoplifting at Try 'n' Save.]
I've figured out the boy's punishment. First, he's grounded. No leaving the house, not even for school. Second, no egg nog. In fact, no nog, period. And third, absolutely no stealing for three months.
I always thought I understood my special little guy, but somewhere along the road, his hand slipped away from mine.
[looks at a handprint of "Bart, age 4"]
Ehh, what are you going to do?
[Marge looks over Homer's notepad, which reveals a drawing of a robot cooking a hot dog over a flaming trash can. Still, she is depressed over the whole shoplifting episode.]
[pause] Mmm. He's not my little baby anymore. Maybe I mother him too much.
[Brodka yanks Bart by the collar of his suit as the picture is being taken and takes him to the side. He is extremely angered at the boy for violating their deal in returning to the store.]
I thought I told you. Don't Return For Busted Merchandise.
What are you doing to my son?!
I'm afraid your son broke the 11th Commandment: Thou Shall Not Steal.
[Bart desperately tries to stop Brodka from showing the security tape of him shoplifting Bonestorm by standing in front of the big screen TV.]
Mom, I don't want you to see this. I did it.
[His timing is off, and everyone sees him taking the game and hiding it in the jacket. Everyone is in shock, including Marge and Lisa, while Homer is enraged.]
Bart, I would never expected this from you.
[disheartened] Oh, Bart.
S7Team Homer
MMoe
You go through life, you try be nice to people, you resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt! Well, I'm better than dirt! Well... most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.
Mom, my slingshot doesn't fit in these pockets. And these shorts leave nothing to the imagination. These uniforms suck.
Bart, where do you pick up words like that?
[on phone] Yeah, Moe, that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked. I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.
Homer, watch your mouth!
Aw, I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening. [hangs up]
Simpson, eh? Let's shut down this bowling scam right now!
I would like to join your bowling team.
You want to join my what?
You want to what his team?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.