TV show quotes
Hey, everybody! If you wanna ask Burns for a favor, now's the time! He's doped up or dying or something! [Hans Moleman enters Burns' office]
Uh, excuse me, I'd like to request $17 for a push-broom rebristling.
Why, it's that delightful TV leprechaun! I'm going to get your Lucky Charms. [pulls out a drill and points it at Moleman's head.]
[offscreen] Oh no, my brains...
Oh, if he thinks George Bush'll stay out of the sewer, he doesn't know George Bush.
He spanked you? [He's angry and points at Bart.] You? Bart Simpson?
I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.
Grampa, I know in your day, spanking was common, but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!
[He points over at Lisa, in a beanbag chair, reading. She looks up, confused.]
First, Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then makes fun of the way I talk -- probably. Now, he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! WELL, THAT'S IT!
[Homer watches Bush go jogging past with Reverend Lovejoy, Dr. Hibbert, and Lenny]
Huh. Look at those phonies, sucking up to Bush. [Santa's Little Helper barks and runs off after them] I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush. [laughs]
Well there it is, Homer: the cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
D'oh!
[picks up a toy pistol] Well, we don't need this.
[ecstatic] Whic-- Marge! That's the Rhinestone Nights fashion gun! [holds a leather jacket] I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing.
Who's Disco Stu?
Uhh, I wanted to write "Disco Stud", but I ran out of space. Not that Disco Stu didn't get his share of the action!
[Seeing Homer's Disco Stu jacket]
Hey Stu, you should buy this.
Hey, Disco Stu doesn't advertise.
[singing, to the tune of "Big Spender"] Hey big spender! Dig this blender! Rainbow suspenders! Hey big spender!
[singing] We surrender!
[singing] Spe-e-e-e-e-end some dough at table three!
[crowd applauds]
Thank you neighbors, thank you! Now let's give it up for table five! [singing, to the tune of "Stayin' Alive"] Ah, ah, ah, ah, table five, table five! Ah, ah, ah, ah, table fi-i-i-i-i-i-i-ive...
[after Homer stops singing due to everyone else getting distracted by the Bushes moving in] Disco Stu likes disco music.
For the last time Bush, apologize for spanking my boy!
Never. You make him apologize for destroying my memoirs.
[to Bart] You didn't tell me you destroyed his memoirs. [to Bush] NEVER!
Look at these low, low prices on famous brand-name electronics!
Don't be a sap, Dad. These are just crappy knock-offs!
Pfft! I know a genuine Panaphonics when I see one. And look, there's Magnetbox and Sorny.
[Homer has taken up golf as a hobby and is practicing hitting golf balls into the commodes in the men's room at the nuclear plant, which is clandestinely being observed by Mr. Burns and Smithers on their surveillance cameras.]
Smithers, who is that lavatory linksman?
Homer Simpson, sir. From Sector 7-G.
Simpson, eh? Well, invite him to the country club. I believe I finally may have a challenge in golf. I have not lost a game since I let Richard Nixon win during his beleaguered second term.
That was very thoughtful of you, sir.
Oh, he just looked so forlorn, Smithers, with his [imitating Nixon] "Ohhh, I can't go to prison, Monty. They'll eat me alive!" [normal voice] Say, I wonder if this Homer Nixon is of any relation?
Unlikely sir, as they spell and pronounce their names differently.
But Marge... valets! For once maybe someone will call me "sir" without adding "You're making a scene."
Use an open faced club. A sand wedge.
Mmm, open faced club sandwich.
[Homer is putting the wrong score on his card]
Hey the point of cheating at golf is to lower your score.
[After making a great shot]
Great shot Homer.
You really think so?
Yeah. Now all you need is your own set of clubs. And stay the hell out of my locker! You can keep the shoes.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
