Must hammer nails.
S35Homer's Crossing
S35A Mid-Childhood Night's Dream
AAnnouncer
Attention, shoppers. A mother's love is forever, but mother's love rat poison is only on sale till the end of the day.
S35McMansion & Wife
We have to meet the new neighbors before they hear about us from the old neighbors.
Hey, I have friends in this neighborhood. There's the guy whose lawn I used as a shortcut, the guy whose mailbox crashed into our car, and Mrs. Bad Halloween candy.
BHBad Halloween candy lady
If my candy is so bad, why do you take so much of it?
[Krusty laughs]
Yarr!
YGYes Guy
Uh, yes!
Howdily-doodily. I brought bibles for the new arrivals.
Hey, Chief, aren't you going to pull him over?
Really? In this dodge charger with 260,000 miles, with a catalytic converter that's being stolen as we speak.
Gotcha!
S35Thirst Trap: A Corporate Love Story
So you want me to talk about Persephone Odair? That's easy. She was a brilliant entrepreneur who wanted to save the world. How I wish that was her only shortcoming.
S35Treehouse of Horror XXXIV
MMonkey
Our FOMO. It's gone.
NCNya-Cat
The NFT craze is over!
Wait, did you only asked me to sing to forestall your gruesome end?
Guilty as charged.
I'm sorry for the imbroglio, but if the chef de cuisine insists on calling it Taco Tuesdays, he can't very well serve flautas and expect us not to make a fuss.
Hello, Bob.
H-how did you get in here?
Well, I knew if I killed enough people in the most gruesome possible ways, they'd send me to your prison. But to get into your cell, I had a little help.
[The security guard is revealed to be Maggie Simpson]
Lisa the killer? I never thought you had it in you.
[slicks back her hair] The Lisa you knew? Didn't. [musses it up again] But I'm another story!
Oho, really? Split personalities? Trope alert! Call the first thought police!
[scene shows Lisa killing her victims] Professor Lisa had no idea she was my accomplice. [scene changes back to the present] But she's gone now. She was my last victim. Or rather, [takes a knife, grinning menacingly] second to last.
The penultimate! [Bob steps onto a rake and it whacks him. He grumbles.]
[Lisa turns on the gramophone. He is an Englishman from H.M.S Pinafore begins to play and Lisa dances along with it, until turning her attention back to Bob. She menacingly approaches Bob with a knife. Scene goes outside the cell, as Lisa kills Bob, while Maggie chills next to the cell door.]
Have you seen our dad?
MMoe
No, just these hundreds of silly versions of him, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I mean I'm printing money over here.
[belches after eating a toxic donut] Better than the chimney in the furnace, am I right?
S35Iron Marge
My Werthers, my choice.
S35It's a Blunderful Life
I call a drumstick.
Nice try, boy, but we agreed I'd get both drumsticks every Thanksgiving on the day you were born.
Aw, no fair. I was too young to sign that.
I believe this is your foot, is it not? And I had it notarized.
[turns red in anger] Why you giant.. [angrily strangles Homer]
[sighs] But the worst was yet to come. That Thanksgiving would surpass Christmas and my birthday as the saddest day of the year.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.