Snake Jailbird quotes from The Simpsons

Hey, that smells like regular! She needs Premium, dude! PREMIUM! DUUUUUDE!!

[rhyming] A singing family, it's worse than I feared

[telling] Say your prayers, and then it's ka-blammo!

[telling] I'll be back, when I get some ammo! Bye!

[shoots someone heard offscreen during the end credits] Yo! I told you to stop the music, dudes. I'm serious. [cricket sounds can be heard and some music are heard too] Oh oh OH you're so not listening! [shoots offscreen again, more cricket sounds, and even more offscreen music] Okay, I heard that. I hear that, dudes! [shoots offscreen and shoots music during the Gracie Films logo] You too, Gracie music dude! Gah! [20th Century Fox Television logo with 1997 music is back to normal]

Say Barn. Uh, remember when I said I had to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?

Barney

[laughs] Oh yeah. We all had a good laugh Moe.

The results came back in. [picks up a huge stack of paper and reads it] "You owe me $70 billion."

Barney

Hmmm?!

Wait no that was for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab is $14 billion.

Barney

All's I got is 2,000 bucks.

Well that's halfway there. [puts the money in the cash register just as Snake bursts through the door]

Freeze, Dude! Move a muscle and I'll blow this wino's head off!

I'm behind 3 inches of bullet-proof glass. Do your worst!

All right. [opens the cash register and takes Moe's money]

No! Stay out of there! Oh! Good God! No! [turns on and off the light many times]

Ho! Goodbye student loan payments! Ha! Ha! [leaves Moe's Tavern]

Come back here you..! Hey I wonder how much air is in here? [faints]

Hmm. Good lines, nice balance. Let's see how she handles. Ho-ho, oh, yeah. Tame it, baby. Yo, ring her up, dude.

[gasps] You cannot smoke in here. Please, the sign is clearly posted, sir.

[coughing] Oh, god. You smokers disgust me. Hey, 'pu, you got a breakfast cereal for people with syphilis?

Chief Wiggum

[to Snake] Hands up, scuzzbag! [Moe raises his hands] [to Moe] No, not you. The smoking scuzzbag.

[raises his hands, and flicks away cigarette] Oh, chill out, dude. I'll pay the fine.

Chief Wiggum

Not this time, you won't. This is your third strike. First, you torched that orphanage, then you blew up that bus full of nuns.

Hey, that was self-defense!

Chief Wiggum

Well, you'll be seeing lots of nuns where you're going, pal... Hell! Because the penalty for strike three is death.

You'll never make it stuck, dude.

Chief Wiggum

Will, too, 'cause this place is full of witnesses. Apu, that scuzzbag Moe...

I'm not going to forget this, dudes. I'm going to totally kill both of you.

Chief Wiggum

And, uh, don't forget Bart Simpson. He's a witness, too. Right, Barty?

You are so dead, little dude.

Bart Simpson

Thanks a lot, Chief.

Chief Wiggum

[laughs] You kids crack me up.

Hi, I'm Ed McMahon. Tonight on Fox, from the producers of "When Shorts Fall Off" and "Secrets of National Security Revealed", it's "World's Deadliest Executions."

Thank you, chickie pies.

Homer

The chair? How come they only do crucifixions during sweeps?

Snake played lacrosse at Ball State University.

Chief Wiggum

So long, Snake. You'll never harm another person with secondhand smoke. [ Chief Wiggum pulls the switch. Snake is jolted with electricity. Smoke from his body fills the execution chamber, causing everyone to have a coughing fit]

[groaning, weakly] Dude... [dies]

Hey-oh!

Chief Wiggum

All right. Now, let's get this carcass over the hospital and crave it up for organs.

Barney

Dibs on the liver!

Homer

Whoo-hoo! Marge, they found a donor. I'm saved.

Groundskeeper Willie

Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!

Bart

My name is Mary. I'm 45, heavy, and willing to settle for less.

Wow. This Mary's got the whole package.

Lisa

Wow, Dad, You're surfin' like a pro.

Homer

Oh, yeah, I'm betting on jai alai in the Cayman Islands. I invested in something called News Corp--

Lisa

Dad! That's Fox!

Homer

Undo! Undo!

Lisa

Dad, do we have any money left?

Homer

Well, let's check the old bank account. See? Even after my cyber squandering, we've still got $1,200.

All right, dorks, this is a holdup. Oh, yes! Download to papa. Yoink dot adiós, back-slash losers.

Homer

Wow, who do you have to kill to get a place like this?

I think his name was "Gustafsson."

Lisa

[As Artie is going to prison] I have to admit. I'll miss having him around.

Homer

[Chuckles] I don't think we've seen the last of Artie Ziff.

Yo, hobbit! I'm, like, your roommate. [Blows cigarette smoke in Artie's face]

Artie

Oh, smoker, eh? Well, I have ways of dealing with you. [Pulls out a spray bottle, dousing Snake's cigarette] Squirt, squirt, squirt! Your lungs will thank me!

Marge

Kids, you better take your last look at Uncle Artie.

Artie

Oh, look! There's a whole bunch of you! [He douses their cigarettes, too] Squirt, squirt, squirt! [The other inmates get up and start circling around him] That's it! Circle around me! Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt! Squirt, squirt, squirt! Oh, I'm gonna need more water!

Talk to me.

Homer Simpson

Yes. I need a milk refund!

Right. Um, address please? Wait, hold on. [grabs a knife and carves at a thief's forehead] "742 Nevergreen"…oh, Evergreen Terrace. Sorry, our system's a little slow!

Lou

Hey, Chief, aren't you going to pull him over?

Chief Wiggum

Really? In this dodge charger with 260,000 miles, with a catalytic converter that's being stolen as we speak.

Gotcha!