[After he loses his case against Mona] Curse that groovy granny! This is America! Justice should favor the rich!
S15 E2My Mother the Carjacker
MSMona Simpson
[After stealing the prison bus and being chased by police. She gets on the radio to Wiggum] Granny to The Man! Granny to The Man!
[Reading from a Hippy/English dictionary] This is...The Man...I think it would...be a gas...if you turned that...Magic Bus around...and kept on truckin' to...our pig pad.
MSMona Simpson
I don't know what you're saying, but I am not turning back!
[On the bus taking Mona to jail, where the prisoners are having a good time]
I hope this bus ride never ends...'cause I'm getting executed when I get off.
S15 E3The President Wore Pearls
Nelson, you're running for school president?
I'm not saying I have all the answers. But, I do have all the answer keys...to every test.
(A group of students and their teacher crowd around Nelson)
Fractions, dinosaurs, foreign money, the first Thanksgiving...
Nelson, what are you doing?
Real-estate license exam?
My ticket to freedom!
Lisa, what are you doing? This is the kind of trouble making I expect from your brother!
You do? Cool, a blank check for mayhem!
(Bart picks up a brick and throws it at a window; however, it ricochets off the unbreakable glass and hits him in the head, knocking him out)
Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Wow, she even beat perennial write-in candidate "Seymour Sucks!"
I'm so happy with my evil plan
Say goodbye to music, gym and art.
Soon we will have the perfect school
Where fun and excitement never start.
I'm so drunk I can barely see
But it helps me get through another day!
My stomach is filled with haggis and ham
I've got to go puke in some hay...
Lisa is a fool!
I think the rules are cool.
I'VE FALLEN IN THE POOL!!
S15 E4The Regina Monologues
TBTony Blair
Hello. Welcome to the United Kingdom.
Prime Minister Tony Blair?
Why are you greeting lowlifes like us at the airport?
BBlair
Because I want to encourage all the world to come see the beauty of 21st century Britain.
Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?
BBlair
No, but thank you.
Tony, I mean, Mr. Prime Minister, what should we see first?
BBlair
There's so much to see here. Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon, the White Cliffs of Dover, oh, and since you Americans love castles, there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born.
The place where I was born is now a gator farm.
BBlair
Smashing.
Maybe you could give us a personal tour of your country?
BBlair
I'd love to. But I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at Gate 23. Cheerio.
[puts on a jetpack and flies off, James Bond-style]
Wow, I can't believe we met Mr. Bean!
ESEnglish Squeaky-Voiced Teen
Welcome to Judi Dench's Fish and Chips, (inside) now completely free of mad fish disease.
Fish? I dunno, I'm not really a vegetarian.
TTeen
Please order, or Miss Dench'll be furious. She'll beat us, she will.
DDench
Who are you talking to?
ESEnglish Squeaky-Voiced Teen
No-one, Mum, I swear!
DDench
I'll Mum you! (punches him)
TTeen
Blimey--!
[The family spot J.K. Rowling emerging from a bookshop]
Look, it's J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books! You've turned a generation of kids onto reading.
RRowling
Thank you, young Muggle.
Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
RRowling
[sarcastically] He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear?
[happily] Yes...
[Rowling rolls her eyes and walks away]
IMIan McKellen
We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.
You mean MacBeth? (car splashes water onto Ian)
IIan
Quiet you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!
What, by saying MacBeth? (anvil falls on Ian's foot)
IIan
Stop saying it!
Saying what?
IIan
MacBeth! Uh! Now I've said it (Ian gets struck by lightning)
Oh, this is cool. MacBeth, MacBeth, MacBeth. (lightning strikes three times)
Bart! Stop saying MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mom, you said MacBeth! (lightning strikes)
Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry! (lightning strikes)
IIan
That's quite alright, you didn't know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give.
Good luck!
IIan
It's bad luck to say that too! (MacBeth sign falls on Ian's head)
That was very sweet of the Queen, letting you go in exchange for taking Madonna back to America.
MMadonna
[inside a zip-up bag] I'm telling you! I'm English!
English women don't pump gas naked.
See ya in Atlanta, jerk.
S15 E5The Fat and the Furriest
[Homer has been making something with the "Kitchen Carnival" overnight]
[to Lisa] I'm gonna pour caramel on my clothes, and then finally I can eat my shorts!
[They both yell in shock as they see Homer with a truly massive ball of caramel-covered cotton candy]
What is that?!
[proudly] This is 85 pounds of tooth-melting sugar! Dig in!
[Bart and Lisa immediately do so]
That's it, kids, suckle Daddy's sugar ball.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.