“The Regina Monologues” quotes from The Simpsons

Hello. Welcome to the United Kingdom.

Lisa

Prime Minister Tony Blair?

Bart

Why are you greeting lowlifes like us at the airport?

Because I want to encourage all the world to come see the beauty of 21st century Britain.

Homer

Would an American dollar encourage you to leave us alone?

No, but thank you.

Marge

Tony, I mean, Mr. Prime Minister, what should we see first?

There's so much to see here. Parliament, Stratford-on-Avon, the White Cliffs of Dover, oh, and since you Americans love castles, there's a huge one in Edinburgh, the city where I was born.

Homer

The place where I was born is now a gator farm.

Smashing.

Lisa

Maybe you could give us a personal tour of your country?

I'd love to. But I'm late for an appointment. I'm greeting a lovely Dutch couple at Gate 23. Cheerio.

Homer

Wow, I can't believe we met Mr. Bean!

Welcome to Judi Dench's Fish and Chips, (inside) now completely free of mad fish disease.

Homer

Fish? I dunno, I'm not really a vegetarian.

Please order, or Miss Dench'll be furious. She'll beat us, she will.

Who are you talking to?

No-one, Mum, I swear!

I'll Mum you! (punches him)

Blimey--!

Lisa

Look, it's J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books! You've turned a generation of kids onto reading.

Thank you, young Muggle.

Lisa

Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?

[sarcastically] He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear?

Lisa

[happily] Yes...

We thespians believe it's bad luck to mention the name of this particular play out loud.

Homer

You mean MacBeth? (car splashes water onto Ian)

Quiet you blundering fool! You'll curse us all!

Homer

What, by saying MacBeth? (anvil falls on Ian's foot)

Stop saying it!

Homer

Saying what?

MacBeth! Uh! Now I've said it (Ian gets struck by lightning)

Bart

Oh, this is cool. MacBeth, MacBeth, MacBeth. (lightning strikes three times)

Marge

Bart! Stop saying MacBeth! (lightning strikes)

Lisa

Mom, you said MacBeth! (lightning strikes)

Homer

Mr. MacBeth, I'm so sorry! (lightning strikes)

That's quite alright, you didn't know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a performance to give.

Bart

Good luck!

It's bad luck to say that too! (MacBeth sign falls on Ian's head)

Marge

That was very sweet of the Queen, letting you go in exchange for taking Madonna back to America.

[inside a zip-up bag] I'm telling you! I'm English!

Marge

English women don't pump gas naked.

Homer

See ya in Atlanta, jerk.