(Monologue at a party)
Damn that Pennybags. Between him and Scrooge McDuck all the best ankle is taken.
S13A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love
I don't understand. She was my young sexy fiance and he was my sexually virile best friend and they just drove off in my Bugatti Sexarossa.
Well, according to our audience insta-poll, 46% say "You're too old", and 37% say "She's a skank!".
(At Snake's hideout)
Wow, who do you have to kill to get a place like this?
I think his name was "Gustafsson."
14 dollars and 10,11,12 cents. There you go.
CDChinese delivery boy
You know, sir, tipping is customary.
Oh, sorry, me no speaky Chinee!
S13The Blunder Years
PNPaul Newman
Homer, I'm gonna tell ya something I once told Redford: it ain't gonna happen.
What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
Mr. Burns, you're under arrest!
Did I say "corpse hatch"? Uh... I meant "innocence tube"!
You found a corpse when you were twelve? No wonder you've been so traumatized.
It's responsible for everything wrong in my life...my occasional overeating...my fear of corpses!
S13She of Little Faith
I still believe in God. I just think there's another path to him, or her.
Marge Simpson: Her?! [addressing God] She's just kidding, Mister Lord!
Hey Simpson, I hear your sister dumped Christianity.
Who cares?
I'll tell you someone who cares. He's got long hair, works as a carpenter, has a lot of crazy ideas about love and brotherhood.
His name's Gunner and he's dating my mom. Sometimes, he buys us beer.
I thought Kearney was dating your mom.
Hey, she came on to me.
Get him! (The bullies -- and Bart -- pummel Kearney)
I'm not gonna pick a religion just because it sounds cool.
How about Judaism? When you turn thirteen, cha-ching!
[shouting outside] Hey, I'm a Buddhist!
[gasps] My Satan sense is tingling!
So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do and believe what I believe! (it turns out that he is talking to Bart) So butter your bacon!
Yes, Father.
(walking in) Mom, Dad, my spirital quest is over!
Hold that thought... (to Bart) Bacon up that sausage, boy!
But, Dad, my heart hurts! (Homer glares at him, Bart reluctantly wraps a slice of bacon around his sausage and eats it)
I'm a Buddhist!
What? That's it, no more chat rooms for you!
Yeah, I wanted to spend Christmas with you guys.
So you're back on the winning team?
No, I'm still Buddhist, but I can worship with my family too.
So you're just going to pay lip service to our church?
Uh-huh!
That's all I ever asked.
S13Brawl in the Family
[acid rain is falling; singing] I'm singin' in the rain
Just singin' in the rain
What a glorious feeling-- Argh! [collapses on the ground, as his overalls dissolve] It burns like a Glasgow bikini wax! Gagghhh!
[drunk] Look, the think about my family is, there's five of us: Marge, Bart, girl-Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him. [falls off the barstool]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.