The Simpsons Season 9 quotes

Good game, son. Come on, I'm taking you to Hooters.

Ah...but I don't wanna bother mom at work.

Excuse me, son.

Bart

Wow, you're Joe Namath!

That's right. My car broke down in front of your house.

Bart

I cannot believe you are here! Do you think you could give me a few pointers?

Sure. There's only one thing you need to know to be a great quarterback.

Joe, honey, I fixed it. It was just vapor lock.

Okay, look, I gotta run. [heading back to his car] Remember what I told you.

Bart

[returns to practicing throwing the football] Okay Bart, concentrate.

Remember what I told you... Just one thing... My car broke down... I'm Joe Namath... My car broke down... It was just vapor lock... vapor lock... vapor lock...

Bart

I'm dead.

We drove two thousand miles for this?

Homer

[offscreen] Scully, you're cut. Eh, Brooks, Groening, Simon, you're all cut. Castellaneta, gone. Kavner, cut. Cartwright, cut. Smith, sorry, cut. Azaria and Shearer, you're cut. Firestone, you're cut, so is Judge. Namath, you stay. All of those people are cut. Bill Schultz and Wolf and Silverman. Goldreyer, O'Brien, Doyle, Selman. I don't know what you're doing here because you're all cut. Pietila, Bridge, Kuwarahara. There's so many cuts here. Look, I just post 'em up and you just see where your name is. Ooh, look at how many cuts there are there. Oh, boy, you're cut - all of you. He's cut, I cut you.

Is it just me or do all of your plans involve some horrible web of lies?

Homer

It's you.

Grampa

Baloney! You came here to put me in a home.

Homer

You're already in a home.

Grampa

Oh how could you?

Homer

Moe, what do you recommend for severe depression?

Booze, booze, and more booze.

Ha. Nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away.

Lisa

Principal Skinner, remember when I didn't sue when I found that scorpion in my applesauce? Well, I'm calling in a favor.

Principal Skinner

I knew this day would come. [voice over intercom] Attention: all honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archaeological dig. Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.

Homer

[scoffs] Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Facts schmacts.

Science! What has science ever done for us? TV off. [TV turns off]

What is it, Lisa?

Lisa

It looks like a human skeleton, but these other bones almost look like wings.

Ned

You mean like an angel?

Lisa

Well, obviously that's impossible--

Lisa's right, it’s an angel!

Flanders

Well, I gotta say, Lisa, it sounds like you're straining to do some explaining.

Chief Wiggum

Yeah, everyone's heard of angels, but who's ever heard of a "Neanderthal"?

Lisa

It could be anything, it could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.

Mr. Burns

Oh, fiddle faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oops, I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.

You mean the revolver, sir?

Mr. Burns

Precisely. Be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you're finished.

Lisa

I just think it's a fantasy. If you believe in angels, why not sea monsters, unicorns or leprechauns?

Kent Brockman

Oh, that's a bunch of baloney, Lisa. Everyone knows leprechauns are extinct.

Lisa

It's a bone scraping from that skeleton I found.

Oh, yeah, that so-called angel. The whole thing's preposterous, of course.

Lisa

Quite preposterous, but no one will believe me until I can prove what it really is. Can't you do a DNA test or something?

Certainly, I'll have the results by tomorrow.

Lisa

Oh, thank you so much. Er... you know... I can't afford to pay you.

I didn't become a scientist for financial gain. Whatever little money you have will be just fine.

Homer

[singing] Here's the angel, see the angel

Lisa

I don't think you should call this thing an angel. There's no proof of that.

Homer

No one's calling it an angel, Lisa. If you look carefully you'll notice I never once used the word "angel."

Lisa

What about that sign right there?

Homer

That's a typo.