“Lisa the Skeptic” · Season 9
In this episode: Lisa Simpson (7), Homer Simpson (2), Moe Szyslak (2), Ned Flanders (2), Mr. Burns (1), Milhouse Van Houten (1), Waylon Smithers (1), Chief Wiggum (1)
Principal Skinner, remember when I didn't sue when I found that scorpion in my applesauce? Well, I'm calling in a favor.
I knew this day would come. [voice over intercom] Attention: all honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archaeological dig. Conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archaeological dig.
[scoffs] Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Facts schmacts.
Science! What has science ever done for us? TV off. [TV turns off]
What is it, Lisa?
It looks like a human skeleton, but these other bones almost look like wings.
You mean like an angel?
Well, obviously that's impossible--
Lisa's right, it’s an angel!
Well, I gotta say, Lisa, it sounds like you're straining to do some explaining.
Yeah, everyone's heard of angels, but who's ever heard of a "Neanderthal"?
It could be anything, it could be a mutant from the nuclear plant.
Oh, fiddle faddle, everyone knows our mutants have flippers. Oops, I've said too much. Smithers, use the amnesia ray.
You mean the revolver, sir?
Precisely. Be sure to wipe your own memory clear when you're finished.
I just think it's a fantasy. If you believe in angels, why not sea monsters, unicorns or leprechauns?
Oh, that's a bunch of baloney, Lisa. Everyone knows leprechauns are extinct.
It's a bone scraping from that skeleton I found.
Oh, yeah, that so-called angel. The whole thing's preposterous, of course.
Quite preposterous, but no one will believe me until I can prove what it really is. Can't you do a DNA test or something?
Certainly, I'll have the results by tomorrow.
Oh, thank you so much. Er... you know... I can't afford to pay you.
I didn't become a scientist for financial gain. Whatever little money you have will be just fine.
[singing] Here's the angel, see the angel
It's my angel, no one else's, next to the rakes
I don't think you should call this thing an angel. There's no proof of that.
No one's calling it an angel, Lisa. If you look carefully you'll notice I never once used the word "angel."
What about that sign right there?
[She points at a sign which says "angel" in huge letters]
That's a typo.
Lisa Simpson, you are charged with destruction of an historic curiosity - a misdemeanor. But in a larger sense, this trial will settle the age-old question of science versus religion. Let the opening statements commence.
Your Honor, over the coming weeks and months, we intend to prove Lisa Simpson willfully destroyed--
[points to window] There's the angel!
[Murmuring]
[The courtroom empties]
I find the defendant not guilty. As for science vs. religion, I'm issuing a restraining order. Religion must stay 500 yards from science at all times.
I don't understand, professor. Why didn't your tests show that the skeleton was a fake?
I'm going to be honest with you Lisa, I never did the tests. [walks away]
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