Stupid bus can't even go to the stupid place it's supposed to stupid go... ;[spies a flattened raccoon] : Ugh!
I seen it first. :[scoops it into truck with shovel] : Ooh, Girly Sue's gonna have an elegant wedding feast.
Aha. Um, listen, I'm kind of lost. Do you think you can give me a lift downtown?
Cletus, what are you beating your gums about?
Never you mind, Brandine. You just go back to birthin' that baby. Yeah, I'll fetch you a ride, little missy, hop on in. Mind the skunk, them things can go off even after they's dead.
[Lisa retches and runs away] :
A bus? Alone? Absolutely not. It's just too dangerous for an 8-year-old. In a few years when you're old enough to drive, then you can take the bus.
[The novelties fall off Bart's face]
If you put dog doo on the suction cups, they'll stick better.
Milhouse, I'm not going to take dog doo that's been on the dirty ground and put it on my face. I have a better idea.
Hey Bart, what's your favorite thing about teachers conference day?
Hmm, well, I guess that we don't have to go to school.
The world is completely different on a weekday morning. Banks are open, old people are walking the streets with impunity. And look, Barney's not even drunk yet.
Morning, boys, can't stop to chat, time is money.
You know what makes it even sweeter? While we're out having fun and walking around like crazy, those teachers are cooped up in school like morons.
[Camera cuts to the teachers]
[All the teachers are on a rollercoaster, having fun]
Ta-da! Notice anything new?
Bart, What have I told you about throwing money away on this joke shop?
Try and cut back a little?
[groans] Take these silly things off.
[Homer and Marge rush over to some garden ornaments naked; Marge stands behind birds and a flower, Homer stands behind two lumberjacks sawing a log]
Marge, can we switch? I don't trust these guys.
You don't think there's anything wrong with what we're doing, do you?
I don't think anything I've ever done is wrong.
Now let's all thank the lord for this our new crystal church for us to behold all his wondrous creation.
[Homer's backside is sliding across the top of it the roof, making a huge noise]
Now hurry, let's all look down and admire God's new parquet floor. [Eyes closed looking down as Homer still passes by on the ceiling] Eyes on the floor, still on the floor, always on God's floor.
Wow! An alternate ending to Casablanca . Bart, this could be priceless!
Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?
When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refrigerator motor?
Naw, I never thought I'd live this long.
Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit! Hahaha!
Boy, I'll tell you, they only come out at night... or, in this case, the day.
Whatever happened to Grampa? He was supposed to baby-sit.
[Cut to Grampa in the Flanders's house watching Rod and Todd play checkers]
[to Rod] Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.
I'm not Bart, I'm Rod Flanders.
There you go with that smart mouth! [to Todd] Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.
[Homer and Marge have ended up naked in the middle of a football game in the Springfield Stadium]
[to the audience; annoyed] Why don't you take a picture?! It lasts longer! [everyone begins taking pictures] D'OH!
It would have to be camera day...
[Bart and Lisa are reading a newspaper featuring Homer and Marge ending up naked at the Springfield Stadium]
[Marge takes the newspaper]
I don't want you reading these awful scandal sheets.
Uh, I was just trying to find Dave Barry's column.
He's great! He pokes fun at life's little foibles.
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