[Bart fantasizes about being a "lardo on workman's comp" like Homer.]
[showing a rag on a stick] (southern accent) I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
[The members of the press all applaud Bart.]
S7King-Size Homer
"Explosion imminent". [scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented] Oh, my God! The plant's going to explode!
[At the power plant, Carl and Lenny walk past the rumbling tank without a clue]
Hey, that thing's going caca-cuckoo.
Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
Wait! I know! [types] Vent gas. [reading the text on the computer screen] "Pressure too high"? "Tank must be shut down manually"? [to drinking bird] Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge! [strangles it a bit] Why you... Oh, who am I kidding? It's all my fault! [the bird nods] I gotta call the plant and warn them! [grabs phone, but his index finger is so fat that it depresses several keys at once]
RRecording
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
Ahhh! [runs to the car] I'm going to have to shut it down myself. Fat, don't fail me now! [jumps in car; tires blow out] D'oh! [jumps on skateboard; snaps in half] Oh-oh!
[Homer is driving a stolen ice-cream truck towards the cooling tower, with several power plant employees clinging to the sides.]
Get away, damn it! Run for your lives!
W1Worker 1
I'll take a rocket pop!
W2Worker 2
What can I get for thirty cents?!
Let go! I've got to get to the tank! [the truck crashes and tips on its side; Homer runs out]
W3Worker 3
Heck, I can't decide without the pictures.
[leading an exercise] Push out the jive... bring in the love...
Homer, your quick-thinking and bravery have turned a potential Chernobyl into a mere Three Mile Island. Bravo!
I think it's ironic that Dad's girth saved the day, while a slimmer man would have fallen to his death.
And I think it's ironic that, for once, Dad's butt actually prevented the release of toxic ga-
Bart!
[Last lines of episode]
Now Homer, if there is anything else I can do for you, please let me know. [Homer looks at his family, and realizes his obesity is making life hard for them]
Can you please make me thin again?
I guarantee it.
[Nighttime. Homer and Burns are out in the exercise yard. Homer strains, trying to to a sit-up.]
1. 1. 1! [throws down his megaphone in frustration] Bah! I'll just pay for the blasted liposuction.
Woo-hoo!
S7Mother Simpson
[After Homer has seemingly been sucked to his death in a hydro-electric turbine]
Smithers, who was that corpse?
Homer Simpson, sir. [tearfully] One of the finest, bravest men to ever grace Sector 7-G... [calmly] I'll cross him off the list.
[Homer clears the moss away from the headstone of what he thinks is his mother's grave.]
Oh, Mom, I'm sorry I never visit, I'm just not a cemetery person. [reads tombstone engraving] "Here...lies..."
[He clears the last of the moss away. The name on the stone is Walt Whitman. Homer is enraged.]
Walt Whitman?! Arrrrgggghh!!! Damn you, Walt Whitman! [kicking the stone] I-hate-you-Walt-freaking-Whitman! Leaves of Grass, my ass!
[The FBI storm the Simpson house, looking for Mona.]
FFriday
Freeze. FBI. The jig is up.
Alright, I admit it: I am the Lindbergh baby! Wah! Wah! Goo-goo. I missed my fly-fly, dada!
FFriday
Are you trying to stall us, or are you just senile?
A little from column A, a little from column B.
[Reading Homer's tombstone upside down] Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Yea, better start with Greek Town.
[Mona and Abe meet for the first time since Mona has come back]
Oh, Abe... you've aged terribly.
[to Mona] Well, what do you expect?! You left me to raise the boy on my own!
[to Grampa] I had to leave! You didn't have to tell Homer I was dead!
It was either that, or tell him his mother was a wanted criminal! You were a rotten wife, and I'll never, ever forgive you! [beat] Can we have sex? Please?
[In the post office]
Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?
[as she is leaving] Don't worry, Homer. You will always be a part of me. [hits her head on the van] D'oh!
S7Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
[As the Simpsons enter the air show the squeaky voiced teen is standing at the gate in an Air Force uniform, directing traffic.]
Way to guard the parking lot, top gun.
I have three medals for this!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.