[As the Simpsons enter the air show the squeaky voiced teen is standing at the gate in an Air Force uniform, directing traffic.]
Way to guard the parking lot, top gun.
I have three medals for this!
“Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming” · Season 7
In this episode: Sideshow Bob (4), Bart Simpson (2), Homer Simpson (1), Lisa Simpson (1), Moe Szyslak (1), Milhouse Van Houten (1), Chief Wiggum (1), Grampa Simpson (1)
HHapablap
What in the World According to Garp? Those are my dress towels! [starts banging door] Who's in my private washroom? McGuckett, let me in!
[writing down notes with an exaggerated accent] The door already is closed.
HHapablap
What?! This is Colonel Leslie "Hap" Hapablap! If you don't open that door, I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a snot party!
You say you're in the military?
HHapablap
Sweet Enola Gay, son! I'm gonna come in there and corpse you up! Corpse you up and mail you to mama!
GGuard
Authorization code.
Code?! Son, this is Colonel Hapablap! This fool McGuckett sprayed runway foam all over Chuck Yeager's Acura! Now get down there with the chamois triple-time!
GGuard
But Colonel, I'm under restricted orders...
Sweet Enola Gay, son! Get moving or I'll tear you up like a Kleenex at a... [cringing] snot party.
GGuard
Sir, right away, sir!
[Bart and Grandpa come across the Wright Brothers' airplane.]
Look at that hunk of junk.
[sputters] You're ignorant! That's the Wright Brothers' plane! In Kitty Hawk in 1903, Charles Lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimble full of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did.
How do you know so much about history, Grandpa?
I pieced it together, mostly from sugar packets.
[speaking on a large TV screen] Hello, Springfield. Sorry to divert your attention from all the big noises and shiny things. But something's been troubling me lately: television! Wouldn't our lives be so much richer if television were done away with?
MMoe
What?
Surely he's not talking about VH1.
Why, we could revive the lost arts of conversation...and scrimshaw. Thus I submit to you, we abolish television...permanently!
Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!
Oh, and one more thing-- I've stolen a nuclear weapon. And if you do not rid this city of television in two hours, I will detonate it. Farewell. [Bob cuts the link, then turns it back on] By the way, I'm well aware of the irony of appearing on TV in order to decry it, so don't bother pointing that out.
Our city will not negotiate with terrorists. Is there a city nearby that will?
CColonel
No need, sir. We'll find that head case faster than Garfield finds lasagne. [pause] Oh..I'm..sorry. My wife thought that was gang busters.
Alright, Bob, it's over. Come out with your hands up.
Noooo! How did they find me?
[The Duff blimp's variable message sign alerts the police to Sideshow Bob's hideout]
[Sideshow Bob deflates the blimp and kidnaps Bart]
[constricted] He's getting away!
CColonel
Not the Harrier! We've got a war tommorow.
[sitting in the cockpit of an F-15 and pretending to fire its weapons] Take that, Mom! [presses a button] Take that, Dad! [presses another] Send me to a psychiatrist, will you?! Take that, Dr. Sally Waxler! [presses several buttons in rapid succession and is suddenly and violently ejected from the cockpit]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.