The Simpsons quotes

Hey, isn't that Homer on the Japanese channel?

Wait a minute. If that's Homer, who's been putting beers on his tab?

Barney

[dressed unconvincingly as Homer] D'oh! Woo-hoo! Uh.... That boy ain't right!

Bart

Good-bye, Japan. I'll miss your Kentucky Fried Chicken and your sparkling, whale-free seas.

Homer

Hey, what's goin' on?

Bart

What's happening?

Uh, folks, we’re experiencing some moderate Godzilla-related turbulence at this time, so I’m going to go ahead and ask you to put your seatbelts back on. When we get to 35,000 feet, he usually does let go, so from there on out, all we have to worry about is Mothra, and, uh, we do have reports he’s tied up with Gamera and Rodan at the present time. Thank you very much.

Mel Gibson

John Travolta flew me in his jet. Now I have to help him move next weekend. He deliberately waited 'til we were in the air to ask me!

Oh, no! We killed Mel Gibson!

You all saw it. He came at me with a knife, right?

Hey, it's just a dummy.

I know but he sells tickets. [Hannah and Milo are confused] Let's go.

Mel Gibson

So Homer, will you come to Hollywood with me?

Homer

You had me at hello ("smiles")

Mel Gibson

I didn't say hello.

Homer

At least that Jimmy Stewart version had that giant rabbit who ran the Savings & Loan.

Mel Gibson

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Mr. Gibson!

Marge

Oh, look, they're shooting a movie! Robert Downey Jr.'s shooting it out with the police!

Bart

[Looks around] I don't see any cameras...

You've desecrated a classic film! This is worse than Godfather III!

Mel Gibson

Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, let's not say things we can't take back.

Alright, alright, I'm sorry. But this film is never going to see the light of day!

Groundskeeper Willie

[talking to Skinner about Bart] Just say the word, and I'll drive this hoe into his back! [conversationally] I can make it look like suicide!

Young Bart here is right. We are spying on you, pretty much around the clock.

Bart

But why, Mr. McGwire?

Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?

Dingers! Dingers!

Smithers, we're at war!

I'll begin profiteering, sir.

And hoarding! Leave it to the Democrats to let the Spaniards back in the pantry!

Marge

I understand the electrodes, but why does he have to be on a treadmill?

Oh, that was his idea. He said he felt fat.

Marge

Oh.

You said he was concerned about satellites?

Marge

And their beams.

Any other strange behavior?

Homer

He quit blinking. He says that's when they get you.

I had a feeling that might happen. This carboxyl group sometimes causes problems. [indicates molecular model]

Homer

And we trusted you! [strangles model]

Marge

I think we should take him off the drug.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't just go off Focusyn.

But we can ease Bart onto one of its sister drugs, like chlorhexinol, and augment that with some phenolbutamine.

Hmm, and maybe some cyclobenzanone?

That's a great idea! [they kiss]

Skinner

Good Lord, he's got into the pep closet!

Homer

I'd say he's coming out of the pep closet.

Hey, I know how we can have some fun. I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "D."

Dingus! [Nelson punches Milhouse on the head]

Homer

God bless you, Nelson Muntz.

Eh, I'm no hero. I just like to hit people on the head.