Let's see what's been captured in the Up-Kilt camera. Ugh, this lass needs a bit of groundskeepin'. Agh, that's Willie!
My name is Mary. I'm 45, heavy, and willing to settle for less.
Wow. This Mary's got the whole package.
Wow, Dad, You're surfin' like a pro.
Oh, yeah, I'm betting on jai alai in the Cayman Islands. I invested in something called News Corp--
Dad, do we have any money left?
Well, let's check the old bank account. See? Even after my cyber squandering, we've still got $1,200.
All right, dorks, this is a holdup. Oh, yes! Download to papa. Yoink dot adiós, back-slash losers.
Lisa No, no. We're going to Paris I can feel it.
Homer [Jamaican accent] No mon, let's go home to Jamaica. I and I been in Babylon too long!
WOWoman on PA
Attention. Flight 605 to Tokyo is ready for departure and has 4 available mega-saver seats.
No, not Japan, Jamaica. I want to pass the dutchie on the left-hand side.
Never mind. Looks like the Flanders are gonna get those seats anyway.
Oh, so Flanders he can steal our vacation, huh? Come on! Sayonara, suckers.
Yay! The Simpsons are going to Japan. [a gong sounds. Zoom out to reveal that the Simpsons' airport cart crashed into a gong]
DMDelivery Man
Hey, watch the gong, jerk.
C'mon Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked Rashomon.
That's not how I remember it. Besides if we wanted to see Japanese people, we could've gone to the zoo.
[offended by Homer's allegedly racist comment] Homer!
What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He was in my book club.
Look, Mom, the safety instructions are written in haiku. "Fasten seat belts tight. Your seat cushions float gently. Headsets, five dollars."
JTJapanese Tour Guide Woman
Sir, it is not safe to use electronic devices yet.
You're the waitress. [turns it off. Cut to outside shot of the plane as it nosedives]
JTJapanese Tour Guide Woman
Turn it back on! Turn it back on!
I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies.
Yeah, isn't it amazing? They're filming one right now in the bathroom. Gonna be on towards the end of the flight.
JBJim Belushi as Roman Emperor
Toga! Toga! Toga! 2000!
Marge, they stole my idea.
JTJapanese toilet
Welcome. I am honored to accept your waste.
[gasps] They're years ahead of us!
[as he turns on the TV in the next room] Mom, Lise, check it out, Dad's on TV.
[unzips his pants and sits on the toilet] Oh, yeah! [Marge and the kids are heard screaming in the next room]
[The Simpsons eat at a USA-themed restaurant called "AmericaTown." Each table is shaped like a state, and the Simpsons are seated at Massachusetts]
I can't believe they stuck us at Taxachusetts! Hey, you know, I once knew a man from Nantucket.
Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated.
Hey, look, isn't that Woody Allen?
Hmm. Looks like he's doing a commercial.
WAWoody Allen
Oh! Ahem, hello. So many rice crackers claim to be low-cal, but only Fujikawa Rice Crackers make your interiors go bananas. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, right.
Mmm, $59 pretzel. Hey, what's Baby Huey doin'?
Says here they throw salt before they wrestle to purify the ring.
Hmm. Spare some salt, tubby?
SWSumo Wrestler
Tubby? [Subtitled in English from Japanese]: The name "Tubby" is hurtful, as my weight problem is glandular. Are you going to eat that? Yoink.
Now can we do something Japanese?
Oh, I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff. In jail, we had to be in this dumb Kabuki play about the 47 Ronin and I wanted to be Yoshi, but they made me Ori.
Then we had to do two hours of origami followed by flower arranging and meditation.
[Japanese version of Should we tell them the secret of inner peace? in English subtitles]
[Japanese version of No, they are foreign devils. in English subtitles]
Honey, I know you want to see Japan, bet we're down to our last million yen.
Don't worry, ichiban. I'll show you something Japanese.
It's a crane. The Japanese believe they bring good luck.
Oh, be careful. We need that money to get home. [gasps] No!
[Japanese version of D'oh! in English subtitles]
AMr. Ambassador
Now, Mr. Simpson, I know you lost all your money, but don't worry. The United States will not stand idly by while one of its citizens is stuck here like this.
But, Mr. Ambassador, how are we going to get home?
AMr. Ambassador
Beats me. Try getting a job and earning some money. That's what I did. By the way, "ambassador" is taken.
AMr. Ambassador
Now, Mr. Simpson, I know you lost all your money, but don't worry. The United States will not stand idly by while one of its citizens is stuck here like this.
But, Mr. Ambassador, how are we going to get home?
AMr. Ambassador
Beats me. Try getting a job and earning some money. That's what I did. By the way, "ambassador" is taken.
[After losing their money, the Simpsons work in a fish-processing plant to try to earn their fare home]
[cheerfully] Every truckload of fish we gut brings us thirty-one cents closer to those tickets home.
And I think I've finally found what I was put on this earth to do. [starts gutting fish] Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out.
[Bart pulls a talking fish out of the pile]
FFish
Spare my life and I'll give you three wish ... [gets gutted] ...gaah!
Knife goes in, guts come out.
Yippee! Time for the company loyalty song!
[Osaka Seafood Concern Squid appears on TV singing]
OSOsaka Seafood Concern Squid
[singing] Knife-a goes in, a-guts come out [stabs itself] that's what Osaka Seafood Concern is all about. [collapses]
Well, this sucks; what else is on? [uses eel to change the channel]
JFJapanese father
Thank you. You have fulfilled our dreams and dreams of our ancestors.
MAMale Announcer
Tune in tomorrow, when another lucky family tries to win their dreams on Happy Smile Super Challenge Family Wish Show.
Family Wish Show. Hmm. That gives me an idea.
I think we all had that idea.
I didn't. What is it? Lunch?
Good-bye, Japan. I'll miss your Kentucky Fried Chicken and your sparkling, whale-free seas.
CCaptain
Uh, folks, we’re experiencing some moderate Godzilla-related turbulence at this time, so I’m going to go ahead and ask you to put your seatbelts back on. When we get to 35,000 feet, he usually does let go, so from there on out, all we have to worry about is Mothra, and, uh, we do have reports he’s tied up with Gamera and Rodan at the present time. Thank you very much.
