Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done, including my muscle for hire business.
Oh, poor Homey. Couldn't you try some other far-out, moneymaking scheme?
S10Lard of the Dance
Alright son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our head in prayer. Dear Lord, I know You're busy, seeing as how You can watch women change clothes and all that, but if You help us steal this grease tonight I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
Dad, He's not stupid.
Alright, screw it. Let's roll! [floors it]
When you want grease, go to the source. Good old Krusty Burger!
I'll say! Look at that red-headed kid. There must be $40 worth of grease on his forehead alone.
Uh, I was thinking more of the deep frier.
Whatever, we'll try it your way.
Can I help you, sir?
[leaning uncomfortably close to Squeaky-Voiced Teen] My... God, you're greasy.
Mr. Maruka, help!
[Nelson, Ralph, Wendel, Lewis, and Database sitting at a bench at lunchtime]
You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
[Skinner walks up to the bench]
Uh, uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!
[Skinner nods and walks off]
[quietly] Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner sugar.
[All murmur in interest]
S10The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so many dolphins in it, and you know how smart they are.
And these should give you the groundings you'll need in thermodynamics, hyperdmathematics, and of course, microbcalifragilistics.
Look I just want to know how to invent things, tell me.
All you have to do is think of things that people need, but which don't exist yet.
You mean like an electric blanket-mobile?
Well, possibly. Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it. Like...
Hamburger earmuffs.
Well, I suppose that would qualify.
Thanks, sucker!
Now, here's my "Everything's OK Alarm." [picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly, with a sound similar to an air horn.] THIS WILL SOUND, EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
Turn it off, Homer!
IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! [The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.] But it, uh, does break easily.
[after Homer shoots Marge with "The Makeup Shotgun"]
Homer, you got it set on "Whore."
Oh, sorry. [switches knob on gun] OK, this time, try to keep your nostrils closed. [Marge swats away gun, and the makeup hits a nearby wall instead] Oh, look what you did. Now I have to get my cold cream gun.
Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Women will like what I tell them to like.
In other news, Thomas Edison, the greatest inventor of all time, is apparently still inventing, despite the notable handicap of being dead.
That's my Tommy!
S10Bart the Mother
[at an arcade]
What can I get for 8,000 tickets?
CClerk
Uh, a BB gun or an Easy Bake Oven.
Hmmm...Hot food is tempting, but I just can't say no to a weapon.
What did you get with the tickets?
Fake moustache comb, how about you?
Fake moustache...wanna comb it?
[at the top of his voice] MILHOUSE!!!
[still at his house] What?
TELL BART TO COME HOME!!!
[still at his house] I think he's at Nelson's!
WHO'S NELSON?!!
[after Marge sees the bird Bart shot]
Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?!
I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.
You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?!
I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.
[sighs dejectedly] Oh, what's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine! Have fun killing things! [gets in her station wagon and drives off]
[About the Bolivian tree lizard]
It's a vicious oviraptor. It feasts on bird eggs and lays its own eggs in the nest. The unsuspecting mother bird cares for them until the babies hatch, and... devour her too.
MMoe
[laughs] What a chump!
It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.