[at an arcade]
What can I get for 8,000 tickets?
CClerk
Uh, a BB gun or an Easy Bake Oven.
Hmmm...Hot food is tempting, but I just can't say no to a weapon.
“Bart the Mother” · Season 10
In this episode: Bart Simpson (3), Homer Simpson (2), Marge Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Moe Szyslak (1), Milhouse Van Houten (1), Nelson Muntz (1), Principal Skinner (1)
What did you get with the tickets?
Fake moustache comb, how about you?
Fake moustache...wanna comb it?
[at the top of his voice] MILHOUSE!!!
[still at his house] What?
TELL BART TO COME HOME!!!
[still at his house] I think he's at Nelson's!
WHO'S NELSON?!!
[after Marge sees the bird Bart shot]
Bart! Did you kill that poor bird?!
I didn't mean to, Mom. The gun pulled to the left.
You disobeyed me, snuck over here, and murdered a helpless animal?!
I know, I really screwed up. I deserve to be punished.
[sighs dejectedly] Oh, what's the point, Bart? I punish, and I punish, and I punish, but it never sinks in. So you know what? Do what you want. You wanna play with little hoodlums? Fine! Have fun killing things! [gets in her station wagon and drives off]
[About the Bolivian tree lizard]
It's a vicious oviraptor. It feasts on bird eggs and lays its own eggs in the nest. The unsuspecting mother bird cares for them until the babies hatch, and... devour her too.
MMoe
[laughs] What a chump!
It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the nene, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker.
[to Marge] Everyone thinks they're monsters. But I raised them and I love them. I know that's hard to understand.
Mmmm. Not as hard as you think.
This is the most exciting thing I've seen since Halley's Comet collided with the moon!
That didn't happen, Dad.
Sure it didn't.
[to Bart] For decimating our pigeon population and for making Springfield a less oppressive place to while away our worthless lives, I present you with this scented candle.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.