TV show quotes
[Bart and Lisa have come up with a song to help Marge study for her realtor's license and are singing it to Homer to the tune of “Camptown Races”]
On the closing day, the escrow agents pay
Taxes, liens and interest too, thanks to Fannie Mae!
They back your baaaaaank!
You're all nuts.
[high-pitched] Aaaaaaahhhh! All my life I've wanted purple drapes! [high-pitched] Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
Hey, that smells like regular! She needs Premium, dude! PREMIUM! DUUUUUDE!!
Marge, I had a lot of calls about you. Customers love your no-pressure approach.
Well, like we say, the right house for the right person.
Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. "The right house" is the house that's for sale; the "right person" is anyone.
But all I did was tell the truth.
Of course you did. But there's "the truth" [frowns and shakes head] and "the truth." [smiles wide and nods] Let me show you.
It's awfully small.
I'd say it's awfully "cozy."
That's dilapidated.
Rustic.
That house is on fire!
"Motivated seller".
Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa, for all your help!
What about me? You didn't thank me.
You didn't do anything.
I like being thanked.
[furious] A smashed hot-rod, a wrecked police cruiser, a destroyed house?! I've had it with your renegade ways, Simpson! You're a loose cannon!
But I--
And what really fries me is you returned his check!
You only live once!
Hey, speak for yourself!
[After finding out that the Simpsons Christmas tree was burned and buried in the snow and Bart lied about the burglar taking everything]
[disillusioned] So this was all a scam. And on Christmas.
Yeah. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
[Marge reads a hate letter from the pile on the kitchen table]
"You'll all get yours in hell, you lying thieving..." [hesitates]: "blanking blankers. Sincerely, Moe."
Oh, great, now we have to send him a card.
I know you're used to getting hate mail, but I'm not.
Marge, kids, let's go buy some happiness!
This year's tree is just perfect. That aluminum one was so fake.
I couldn't agree more. From now on it's plastic all the way.
Hey, why don't we walk over to Grampa's and cheer up the old folks? That'll make us feel better.
[moans] Okay, but they'll have to be pretty damn miserable to make me happy.
Hey, since when is Christmas just about presents? Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of this day... the birth of Santa?
Now, um, what did this Christmas thief look like?
Well, he had a glass eye, a wooden leg, a big scar on his cheek.
Anything unusual?
Hey, look what I got, Bart! A Tickle Me Krusty!
Hey, kid, get your finger out of there.
[laughing, Homer throws a snowball at his face] Ow!
[offscreen] Homer!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
