Trying is the first step toward failure.
“Realty Bites” · Season 9
In this episode: Marge Simpson (5), Homer Simpson (4), Bart Simpson (3), Lisa Simpson (3), Lionel Hutz (2), Ned Flanders (1), Chief Wiggum (1), Snake Jailbird (1)
Seat belts? They kill more people than they save.
That's not true, you're thinking of airbags!
What the--? This is Wiggum reporting a 3-18: Waking a police officer.
[Bart and Lisa help Marge practice her skills as an estate agent by roleplaying as a married couple]
So, you're married and you're looking for your house, Mr. and Mrs...?
Superman!
[chuckling] Oh! Don't listen to my husband, he's just an idiot. Now, I'm a veterinarian, and I need to keep lots of sick animals in my house - is that permitted?
Not in my damn house!
Well, this neighbourhood is zone R3, which allows dogs, cats, phone-answering monkeys, and... ohhh... [checks book and sits down in defeat] I'll never memorize all this!
When I had to learn about the Magna Carta, I made up a song! [sings to the tune of "Camptown Races"]
In 1215 at Runnymede, do da do da,
The nobles and the king agreed, oh da doo da day!
[grumpily] We should have lived together first...
[Bart and Lisa have come up with a song to help Marge study for her realtor's license and are singing it to Homer to the tune of “Camptown Races”]
BLBart, Lisa, and Marge
On the closing day, the escrow agents pay
Taxes, liens and interest too, thanks to Fannie Mae!
They back your baaaaaank!
You're all nuts.
[high-pitched] Aaaaaaahhhh! All my life I've wanted purple drapes! [high-pitched] Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!
Hey, that smells like regular! She needs Premium, dude! PREMIUM! DUUUUUDE!!
Marge, I had a lot of calls about you. Customers love your no-pressure approach.
Well, like we say, the right house for the right person.
Listen, it's time I let you in on a little secret, Marge. "The right house" is the house that's for sale; the "right person" is anyone.
But all I did was tell the truth.
Of course you did. But there's "the truth" [frowns and shakes head] and "the truth." [smiles wide and nods] Let me show you.
It's awfully small.
I'd say it's awfully "cozy."
That's dilapidated.
Rustic.
That house is on fire!
"Motivated seller".
Thank you, Bart, thank you, Lisa, for all your help!
What about me? You didn't thank me.
You didn't do anything.
I like being thanked.
[furious] A smashed hot-rod, a wrecked police cruiser, a destroyed house?! I've had it with your renegade ways, Simpson! You're a loose cannon!
But I--
And what really fries me is you returned his check!
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