[Bart is having dinner with the Lovejoys]
So Bart, how's school going? Jessica always gets straight A's.
Well, in my family grades aren't that important. It's what you learn that counts.
RLReverend Lovejoy
Six times five, what is it?
Um, actually numbers don't have much use in my future career-- Olympic Gold Medal Rocket Sled Champ.
Hmm. I didn't know the rocket sled was an Olympic event.
Well, no offense, lady, but what you don't know could fill a warehouse.
[The Lovejoys gasp, appalled]
RLReverend Lovejoy
Young man, explain yourself!
Sorry. I have kind of a short fuse... which some find charming. Speaking of charming, watching Fox last night I heard a rather amusing story-- this character named Martin was feeling rather... randy, and he was heard to remark-
[Scene cuts to Reverend Lovejoy throwing Bart out of the house by the ear]
RLReverend Lovejoy
Don't you ever come near my daughter again! Never have I heard such gratuitous use of the word 'butt'!
[struggling to explain] But-but-but-but-but-but-but-
[in hallway, covering her ears] Make him stop! Make him stop!
[Reverend Lovejoy slams the door]
You're bad, Bart Simpson.
[protesting] No, I'm not, I'm really-
Yes, you are. You're bad, and I like it.
I'm bad to the bone, honey.
[Jessica has pulled the fire alarm at the school. Everyone is fleeing. Groundskeeper Willie runs in the opposite direction]
If I don't save the wee turtles, who will?!
[He kicks down the door to a room labeled 'Science Lab' and enters. Seconds later he emerges with a dozen small turtles biting him all over]
Aaagh! Save me from the wee turtles!
[The Simpsons approach the church for Sunday service. From inside, a high angelic soprano voice can be heard accompanying the organ. Bart is transfixed]
Bart, be strong! You don't need that little hellcat!
Oh Lis, she's already drawing me to her with her beautiful siren song...
[Bart dashes ahead of the family and enters the church only to discover the angelic soprano voice belongs to Ned Flanders, who's singing from a hymnal at the altar]
[shudders] Oooh, that's very disturbing...
I just wanted to let you know that even though this was a difficult experience, I really learned a lot. I'm a little wiser and a little less naive.
Well, I learned that I can make men do whatever I want.
Well, don't you see, Jessica, then you really haven't learned-
Would you finish scrubbing these steps for me?
[happily grabs brush and starts scrubbing church steps]
PSPrincipal Skinner
All right, first academic alert: Wiggum, Ralph.
I won! I won! [walks on stage]
SSkinner
No, no, Ralph, this means you're failing English.
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
[Lisa is concerned about her failing grade in gym class]
Cheer up! So you're not good at sports. It's a very small part of life.
Sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports-sports. Marge, Bart rides up in the front seat today because he's a good guy at sports.
Homer, I think Lisa could use a little cheering up. How about let her in front too?
[Homer glances at Bart, who coolly shakes his head.]
[shrugs, to Marge] I tried.
[Bart walks into the kitchen with his baseball glove where Homer is sitting]
C'mon dad; lets go throw the ol' baseball.
Sorry Bart, I'm taking Lisa out for a gellati. We'd ask you to come but...ya know.
[after Bart fails to be a scholar due to him being a slacker in school all his life and irritating Ms. Krabappel, Nelson, Jimbo and Kearney beats Bart up]
[beating up Bart] This is for wasting teacher's valuable time!
[punches Jimbo, pulls his shirt half over his head] Lay off, guys! He's with me.
[Kearney and Nelson back away. Jimbo also backs away partially due to him being Lisa's teammate.]
[points at Bart] It's a lucky coincidence you happen to be your sister's brother.
Don't worry, Bart, they won't bother you any more.
[everyone points and laughs]
I hardly ever let Mother fight for me any more! [laughs]
Sorry, Bart, I'm going to hang out with Lisa...for protection...and to be seen!
