TV show quotes
A greedy man once yearned for more, so the fool began to borrow. He ate and drank and told the bank, "I'll pay the debt tomorrow." But as both dolt and purse grew fat, the calendar grew thinner. The debt collector had enough and hungered for his dinner. The coward ran, with coin in hand, but came dawn, lost his breath. The fool was caught, 'twas all for naught, for the collector's name was Death.
Why are you dipping my face in dough? Why are you kneading my face into an "O" shape? Why are you pushing my face toward the deep fryer? Oh, I see. Clever.
SPINNNNERS!
I'm looking for a godfather for my little angel.
Aw, what a cutie. Let me give her a sip of beer.
Okay, you're out.
If I'm out, Carl's out.
I decide who tells me what to do. Moe?
You're out, Carl.
Boss, Benny down at the liquor store is late on his payment. Again!
Let me break his kneecaps.
Marone a mi! You never ever talk that way in front of a baby.
Uh, uh, okay, uh, what if we get him a boo-boo to the brain? Make him go night-night forever?
Disgusting! You give the Kiss of Death with that mouth?
[singing] Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Let me Hotwire you a car. We'll change the plates, I know a guy. You'll be my little alibi.
So, Simpson, what did you do to get stuck on this perp hike?
Let's just say I got a little creative with some laundry pods.
Mom, Dad, with Bart away, I can now fulfill a dream I never dared speak aloud. For one fleeting weekend, I want to live as... an only child.
"Only child"? What about Maggie?
Um, I kind of made alternate arrangements for her.
[The scene changes to Maggie with her aunts]
Time for a Flip This Bathroom marathon.
Ooh, baby, Mama loves her terra route.
[Maggie sighs, and the scene changes back to Lisa]
[points to the sibling pie chart] As you can see on this pie chart, this is the time you spend on my older and younger siblings. So, if you'll just humor a middle child's most frivolous whimsy, I would like you to spend the entire weekend focusing only on me.
No.
Homer! [To Lisa] Of course we will.
[hugs her parents] Oh, it's wonderful! Oh, and for the next two days, I would like you to call me Jules. I think an only child would have a name... [flips the page with another pie chart with Jules's name on it] like Jules.
[Homer and Marge look at each other confusingly]
Okay! Our first only-child activity is gonna be playing horsey. Start working on your neighs.
[Homer and Marge neigh like horses]
Everybody, out, out, out, out, out! Me and the floors deserve to savor every minute of our special spa day. And take the dog. Now it's my time to make these stains "herstory."
Ugh, are you quoting their actual slogan?
I'm quoting my wildest dreams.
Once it became clear that human companionship was a non-starter, I adopted this handsome little mister, Devin.
So, where'd you get your dog?
Uh, I think he came with the house?
Okay, so far, the neighborhood rage is contained to just dog lovers. Oh, no. It's spread to the cat people. Oh, now it's the horse crazies.
Those horse crazies don't mess around.
I'm Homer Simpson, and I'm truly sorry. [cuts to an Imagine Spot of the crowd as pilgrims]
Tsk, tsk, tsk!
Sorry if you pee-pee babies were offended by something that was no big deal and everything's fine. So what's the issue?
[to Lisa] Amazing job, you really got his voice down.
Oh, look who it is, Little Miss Google Noodle.
This isn't fair. There's four times as many of you.
She's trying to teach us to multiply.
Get her! [She and the male bullies surround Lisa to beat her up, but Lisa crawls out of their circle and runs off into a magic club]
[pulling Lisa inside with a hula hoop] Yoink.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
