I need you to tell me who is worthy of surviving the Apocalypse with me. I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy.
S29Frink Gets Testy
S29Homer is Where the Art Isn't
Did you know we had to lay off a third of the police force? That's right: Eddie.
I used to have a gun!
MManacek
Your story had everything: a field trip, a dream sequence, Sideshow Mel.
S29No Good Read Goes Unpunished
We're going to spend family time together without watching TV.
Mom is right - Americans watch way too much TV. How many hours? Let me Google that. [uses her iPhone and laughs] Instead of TV, I typed "TB"! Let me Google that!
[The family all start using their iPhones and consoles, to Marge's annoyance]
Turn off the devices, pronto!
"Pronto!" Odd word. Let me Google that.
Hey, I'm doing something educational.
Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
It's Tunnelcraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
Can you die in it?
Yes.
It's a video game!
[The Simpsons are in a book store]
[reading book title] "Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon".
LOLibrary Owner
Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!
Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do? [glances at a picture of Apu]
Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
If at all.
S29King Leer
If the beer's in a frosted mug, you're not alcoholic, you're an aficionado.
Homer, what's your favorite movie?
Fast and Furious 6.
And what's the theme of that movie?
Cars.
What was the OTHER theme?
[gasps] Family.
S29Lisa Gets the Blues
Well, we did it, kids. And the best thing is, the next episode will beat Gunsmoke.
What about all the episodes they made on the radio?
[mad] Have a beignet.
S29Forgive and Regret
Oh, I hate confrontation.
[shivers then nervously glances at Bart]
So just leave your body.
Ok.
[Lisa leaves her body and appears as a spirit]
Oh my god! - Hey!
[camera pans downward to see Bart slapping Lisa's face. Lisa possesses herself back and pushes Bart]
S29Left Behind
[plays Christian parody rock music in the car]
Maybe we should talk.
Well, of course, my friend! Wanna talk about Jesus?
No.
Wanna talk about Ecclesiastes?
No.
Wanna talk about baby Jesus?
[turns Christian rock back on]
S29Flanders' Ladder
[As the family hook up the VCR]
Gross, the remote has a cord on it!
My first remote. Coincidentally, the same time I got fat.
[Nelson and his gang confront Homer, wearing Ghostface masks and armed with T-shirt cannons]
Maude Flanders says hello.
[cheerfully] Hello!
[They fire T-shirts at him, knocking him down]
Let's move! [they leave]
MFMaude Flanders' Ghost
Thank you, Bart. I'm finally at peace. [starts to float away]
You know Ned remarried?
MFMaude Flanders' Ghost
He WHAT?!
Dad!
[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart] life-saving, heaven can waiting!
S30Bart's Not Dead
Hey, Martin Princess. If you like that cello so much, why don't you marry it?
No heckling!
Way to crush him, sir.
Hey, Skinner! If you like Chalmers so much, why don't you marry him?
Well, as the superintendent, he's married to all the principals.
Thank you. You've made the anniversary of my wife's death even more depressing.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.