Eddie quotes from The Simpsons

Did you hold a grudge against Montgomery Burns?

No. [buzz, red light] All right, maybe I did. But I didn't shoot him! [ding, green light]

Checks out. Okay, sir, you're free to go.

Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight. [buzz] A date. [buzz] Dinner with friends. [buzz] Dinner alone. [buzz] Watching TV alone. [buzz] All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog! [buzz] ... [hangs head] Sears catalog. [ding] Now, would you unhook this already, please?! I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! [buzz]

Chief Wiggum

So, You enjoy this movie, Kids? Aah! Listen up punks. The moral of the story is, the adults always win! [The kids' eyes turn blue, as in the film] Waaarrgh! [It is revealed Eddie has been shining a light on the kids] For crying out loud, Eddie. You scared the hell out of me.

Sorry, Chief. [chuckles]

Inspector Wiggum

[to Lou] Why can't you be more like Eddie? He never says a word against me.

Lou

That's 'cause you cut out his tongue.

[without a tongue] E's 'ight 'eef.

Lou, you're promoted to chief of police.

Lou

Sweet.

And Eddie, you're promoted to Lou.

Nice. And, uh, who's gonna be Eddie?

We don't need an Eddie. [Eddie looks down in disappointment.]

Mayor Quimby

Did you know we had to lay off a third of the police force? That's right: Eddie.

I used to have a gun!