Narrator quotes from The Simpsons

Well, it's the first Saturday in September, and that means one thing in Springfield. It's that time again! Opening day of peewee football! And everybody's headed down to Child Soldier Field to catch all the action! It all comes down to this, the first game of the year, perfect season on the line, and drunks are being rolled off the field. Ladies and gentlemen, your Springfield Neutrinos!

Here I opened wide the door-

Bart

This better be good.

Darkness there and nothing more.

Bart

You know what would have been scarier than nothing?

Lisa

What?

Bart

Anything!

Quoth the raven-

Bart

Eat my shorts!

Lisa

Bart, stop it! He says "Nevermore." And that's all he'll ever say.

Bart

Okay, okay.

Ruth Powers was tried in Springfield Superior Court. The judge dismissed her ex-husband's auto theft charges and forced him to pay all back child support. Mr. Powers blamed the outcome on his lawyer, one Lionel Hutz. Lionel Hutz, A.K.A. Miguel Sanchez, A.K.A., Dr. Nguyen van Thuoc, was paid $8 for his 32 hours of babysitting, he was glad to get it. Marge Simpson was charged with the violation of penal code section 618A: Wanton Destruction of Precious Antique Cans. She was ordered to pay 50 cents to replace the cans and $2000 in punitive damage and mental anguish. Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army Neurochemical Research Center at Fort Meade, Maryland, for extensive testing.

Homer

Woohoo!