Simon Woosterfield quotes from The Simpsons ... TV Quotes Database

Lines by Simon Woosterfield 1

Simon

[voice only, in credits] Do we really need three of these people? Too ethnic. Change it. More like "Cart wrong". Worst voicing ever. Finally, a real celebrity. Oh, good. More producers. Just what they need! Him, I like. Yes, but what's he done lately? Very original. Simon Cowell as Simon Cowell. Well done. [silence as end credit music continues playing, sighs] I really don't care anymore. All useless! Do credits really have to go this long?

[cues Gracie Films logo]

Simon

[voice only] Oh, shush yourself!

S15 E13 Smart and Smarter

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Scenes with Simon Woosterfield 4

[last lines as Grampa gets back together with Mrs. Bouvier in a bus]

SGSimon & Garfunkel

[voices only] ♪ Hello Grampa, my old friend ♪

♪ Your busy day is at an end ♪ [the executive producers' names appear in darkness]

♪ Your exploits have been sad and boring ♪ [the credits begin playing]

♪ They tell a tale, that's worth ignoring ♪

♪ When you're alone, the words of your story will echo down the rest home hall ♪

♪ Cuz no one at all ♪

♪ Can stand the sound of Grampa ♪

ASAbraham Simpson

[voice only, in credits] I first took a fancy to Mrs. Bouvier because her raspy voice reminded me of my old Victrola. Oh, it was a fine machine with a vulcanized rubber listening tube which you crammed in your ear! The tube would go in easy with some sort of lubricant like linseed oil or Dr. Shumway's... [the Gracie Films logo appears] Oops. I'm sorry!

S5 Lady Bouvier's Lover

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Simon

Meet Maggie Simpson, IQ 167.

PPhilipa

167? That's amazing for a Christian!

Lisa

[horrified] But, but my IQ is only 159! Maggie's more intelligent than me?

Simon

That's right, because 167 is a bigger number than 159. Do you see how that works?

Lisa

[annoyed] Yes, thank you.

S15 E13 Smart and Smarter

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Bart

You look like a dorky version of me!

Simon

And you look like a dim-witted version of me!

S20 Double, Double, Boy in Trouble

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[Homer, Marge and Lisa are eating noodles except Simon]

Simon

Why are these noodles orange?

Marge

I made it with Cheetos, just like you like it. If the sauce is too thick, I can add more root beer.

Simon

Maybe I'm just not hungry.

Homer

Human garbage can to the rescue! [he eats Simon's noodles, then he talks with mouthful] So at work today, we got a memo saying everyone's getting new chairs.

Simon

Father, could you...

Homer

[mouthful] Talk louder? You bet! Naturally I threw my old chair in the Dumpster right away! But then Lenny said, "No. That was the new chair. That memo was two months old." So now I'm sitting on an orange crate. I never felt so...

Simon

[very angry] Will you stop spitting food on me?

Homer

Huh?

Simon

Keep your meal in your mouth, you semi-literate spew monkey!

Homer

[angrily] That's it, boy! You're going to bed without supper!

[Simon goes upstairs to Bart's bedroom]

S20 Double, Double, Boy in Trouble

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