The Simpsons quotes

Simon

Why are these noodles orange?

Marge

I made it with Cheetos, just like you like it. If the sauce is too thick, I can add more root beer.

Simon

Maybe I'm just not hungry.

Homer

Human garbage can to the rescue! [he eats Simon's noodles, then he talks with mouthful] So at work today, we got a memo saying everyone's getting new chairs.

Simon

Father, could you...

Homer

[mouthful] Talk louder? You bet! Naturally I threw my old chair in the Dumpster right away! But then Lenny said, "No. That was the new chair. That memo was two months old." So now I'm sitting on an orange crate. I never felt so...

Simon

[very angry] Will you stop spitting food on me?

Homer

Huh?

Simon

Keep your meal in your mouth, you semi-literate spew monkey!

Homer

[angrily] That's it, boy! You're going to bed without supper!

Homer

Hey, is there something different about the kitchen?

No, no, no. [Homer looks at the toaster which transforms into the word "No"]

Homer

Well, the toaster's never lied to me before.

That does not compute.

Marge

[sternly] Really?

Well, it computes a little.

Krusty

[on phone] Entertain the troops? No way! What have they ever done for me?

Homer

[approaching him] Krusty, you made my daughter cry.

Krusty

Hey, my intellectual property rights were being infringed. Do you know how that feels? Do you? Huh? Do you?

Homer

[walks into Krusty has been killed, pick up his heart] One, two, three. One, two, three. Oh! It's no use. [closes Krusty's eyes]

Homer

Well, you know, it is awfully hot today. [chuckles] Now I'm too cold. Mmm.

Homer

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe in Ohio--but not America!

Homer

Hey, everybody pees in the pool.

Homer

Knock it off! How dare you expose my children to your tender feelings! Bart, don't you dare take your eyes off that game boy!

Bart

Yes, sir. [Plays a video game about killing popular cereal mascots] I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!

Homer

Video games: The reason this generation of Americans is the best ever.

Chalmers

SIMPSON, what in the blue blazes are you doing to my hop-scotching grids?

Lisa

[a bit worried] I made them into a crossword.

Chalmers

Oh, well ha ha, I'm a bit of a puzzlehead myself. They help me wind down after a day of dealing with SKINNER!!

Skinner

[Appears in the school window.] You called?

Chalmers

Made a reference.

Skinner

My mistake. [Disappears back in the window.]

Chalmers

You're welcome, now, I have to go home and make sure my pool boy is using his SKIMMER!!

Skinner

[Appears in the school window.] You called?

Chalmers

You misheard.

Skinner

My mistake. [Disappears back in the window.]

Homer

I'd like to bet everything against my daughter.

I'll take your money...but I won't look you in the eye.

Homer

Fine! I won't look you in the eye!

Homer

Got it?

[muffled with money in his mouth] I got it.

Here's your money, soaked in your daughter's tears.

Homer

Y'know, for a bartender bookie, you're awfully judgmental.

Mr. S. Lisa B.

Steve Mobbs

Greetings! It is I, your insanely great leader Steve Mobbs. I'm speaking to you from Mapple headquarters deep beneath the sea with an announcement that will change the way you look at everything. And that announcement is...

Bart

[speaking through a microphone over Mobbs' visual]...you're all losers!

Bart

You think you're cool because you buy a $500 phone with a picture of a fruit on it. Well guess what, they cost eight bucks to make and I pee on every one!

Bart

I have made a fortune off you chumps. And I've invested it all in Microsoft. Now my boyfriend Bill Gates and I kiss each other on a pile of your money!

Homer

Praise to Oliver!

That's Allah.

Homer

We'll look it up in the Corona.