[as Homer and Bart are "celebrating" Trash Night]
I can't believe I found this muscle shirt.
Dad, that's a sports bra.
All I know is that I'm finally getting the support I need.
S11Days of Wine and D'oh'ses
[As she walks into the kitchen] I don't remember the air in the kitchen being so wavey. [She sniffs the air.] Good lord, that's gas! [Marge finds a taped hosepipe leading into the garden]
Behold! I am king Tocki Ticki! [The Hawaiian statue breathed fire as Bart and Lisa scream] Hey Flanders! Can your god do that?
Actually Homer, you and I worship the same god, so-
Irregardless! I am your god now! [Flanders walks away as Homer burns his hedge] Ha, ha, ha!
Homie, you can't just reroute the gas line. Do you know how dangerous that is?
[shaking the statue] Do not anger Tocki Ticki! [dropping the statue which catches on fire] I am all power- Aargh! [Worried] I'll be at Moe's! [climbs over the fence]
Unfortunately, fire trucks are unavailable to fight the blaze as they're all being used to film the new Burt Reynolds movie, "Fireball and Mudflap." I caught up with Burt on the set.
So, Burt, tell us a little about "Fireball and Mudflap."
RReynolds
I play Jerry "Fireball" Mudflap, a feisty Supreme Court justice searching for his birth mother while competing in a cross-country fire truck race. It's... garbage.
Barney!
[Homer picks up the payphone]
The call is from heroism. Will you accept the charges?
You did it, Dad!
[drunk] You can't prove I did it.
No, you saved our lives.
I could do a lot of things if I had some money.
S11Kill the Alligator and Run
DDoctor
What you need is a good, long rest. I suggest Florida.
Florida? But that's America's wang!
DDoctor
They prefer, "The Sunshine State."
[The Simpsons are driving to Florida]
Mom! Bart's sitting next to me!
Mom! Lisa's growing!
Quiet, you two! You know your father just had a breakdown.
[Holding a pennant that says "Mental"] My pockets hurt!
[Bart gets paid three dollars for delivering Homer's mail]
Hey, this isn't real. This is printed by the Montana Militia.
[threateningly] It'll be real soon enough!
[to Homer for his actions] This family has hit a new low. We're on the run from the law, totally lost... no car, no money, no clean clothes... and it's all your fault!
I love being married.
[The Simpsons are put on trial for evading the police and murdering Captain Jack the alligator]
Your Honor, I'd like to defend myself. [clears throat and turns to the left]: Drunken hicks of the jury...
[cut to a jury box filled with offended rednecks gasping. One drinks from a bottle of beer]
S11Last Tap Dance in Springfield
[while at Eye Caramba]
"I…8…P P?" [sees Bart writing then turns red in anger and strangles him] Why you little…!
EDEye Doctor
Better, or worse?
Worse!
EDEye Doctor
Better, or worse?
[still in different voice] Much better!
[Marge and Lisa leave the theater after the end of Tango De La Muerte]
Oh, Mom, I want to be a dancer!
That's wonderful, dear. We should ask your father, though. [looks around] Where is he, anyway?
[cut to Homer, whose eyes have crusted over from not taking his eye drops after laser surgery, in the car with the three bullies, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney. Kearney is driving while Dolph and Jimbo are in the back seat]
[doing a strained, poor impersonation of Marge] Now, Homie, when we get to the liquor store, buy me some Jack Daniel's and a carton of smokes.
Yes, dear.
[Dolph and Jimbo snicker from the back seat and exchange a high-five]
Teacher, my shoes are making noise!
You must be Ralph.
My daddy shoots people!
For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion, the mall has it all.
PCPolice Chief Wiggum
[Upon having set up a human sized mouse trap, wherein an anvil is attached with a rope to it.] We’ll catch that mall rat.
Sure hope this Acme kit works.
PCPolice Chief Wiggum
Gosh, that cheese looks good. Think I could grab it before that anvil hits?.
I don't know, Chief. It's a million to one.
PCPolice Chief Wiggum
I like those odds! [Grunts] - [Snickering] - [Wiggum Groaning] My mistake was grabbing the cheese.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.