Emmy Awards. Krusty is giving a speech
And the nominees are: Droopy Drawers, Colonel Coward, Pepito the Biggest Cat in the Whole Wide World, Sideshow Bob and Suck-Up the Vacuum.
[The screen crawl for Bob says "Live from Springfield Penitentiary", and the crawl for Suck-Up the Vacuum says "Now filming movie in Spain". Krusty opens the envelope to reveal the winner of the Best Supporting Performer in the Children's Program Emmy Award.]
Krusty {cheerful}: And the Emmy goes to... Krusty's mood changes when he opens envelope
Krusty {grumpy}: I don't believe this...Sideshow Bob!
Live feed video shows a man shaking hands with Bob as he hands over statue
This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!
Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!
[Bob is restrained by prison guards.]
[He gets injected with tranquilizer fluid, knocking him out.]
Uh, now for the highlight of the evening: Best Film-to-Video Transfer.
[The scene changes back to the present.]
That MacGyver's a genius!
First of all, he's not a genius: he's an actor! And second, he's not much of an actor!
You're lying! YOU'RE LYING!
No, Selma; this is lying. [sarcastically] That was a well-plotted piece of non-claptrap that never made me want to retch!
[Otto is struggling to open a door and is oblivious to the notice]
SSign
EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately.
Hey, landlord! Some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice!
LLandlord
Yeah, that was me.
LLandlord
Because you haven't paid your rent.
Well... can I at least get my stuff?
LLandlord
All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old cycle magazines.
[astonished] Wow! I had mustard?
Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it.
[Bart plays a tape recorder]
BBart (on tape)
"Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants?" [bad imitation of Marge] "He sure can!"
Marge, what were you thinking?!
Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape!
[about his Magic Eight Ball]
You shake it up, and it tells the future!
Really? Will I pass my English test? [shakes the ball] "Outlook Not So Good." Wow, it does work!
Let me try. Will I get beat up today? [shakes the ball] "All Signs Point To Yes."
That ball knows everything. [bashes Milhouse on the head.]
[Homer ordered a subliminal weight-loss tape, but he was sent a vocabulary improvement tape instead.]
Dad, do you know what today is?
No! It's been two weeks since you got that tape. Let's get you on the scales! [Homer gets on the scales] You've gained thirteen pounds.
Disingenuous mountebanks with their subliminal chicanery! A pox on them!
[Herb rings The Simpsons' doorbell.]
HHerb
[to himself] What am I gonna say? This is the guy who ruined me. But on the other hand, he's family. So many conflicting emotions. How to express them?
[Homer opens the door.]
[Herb punches Homer in the face, steps over him and enters the house. Bart and Lisa see him.]
BLBart and Lisa
Unky Herb!
HHerb
[hugging them] Bart! Lisa! I'm so glad to see you!
[rubbing his cheek] You weren't so glad to see me...
HHerb
I'm sorry, Homer, but I'm still mad at you. Every word you say makes me want to punch you in the face.
Well, while you're a guest in my home, could you just kick me in the butt?
HHerb
I'll try, but I'm not making any promises!
