I want to tell you about the most wonderful place in the world: Doggie Heaven. In Doggie Heaven, there are mountains of bones, and you can't turn around without sniffing another dog's butt! And all the best dogs are there, Old Yeller, and about eight Lassies.
Well... of course, there couldn't be a heaven if there weren't a hell.
Oh, uh... Hitler's dog... and that dog Nixon had, what's his name, um, Chester...
Yeah! One of the Lassies is in there, too. The mean one! The one who mauled Timmy!
Hey, wait a minute. Does this have to do anything with Santa's Little Helper?
Oh, honey, seven hundred and fifty dollars is a lot of money. We really can't afford this operation.
You're gonna just let him die?
[ticked off] Darn right, I'm upset!
[covers Bart's mouth] Bart! Watch your language! [uncovers Bart's mouth] Oh, you did. Sorry.
[ticked off] I'm not gonna let our dog die and that's it! [furiously leaves the kitchen and angrily mumbles to himself]
Well, it will be okay. We'll get him a new dog-- one with an untwistable stomach.
SSSanta's Little Helper
[whimpers on Homer's leg]
[gets annoyed] Oh, come on. I'm sorry but we just can't afford it. Marge, make him stop. Oh! All right, all right, we'll find a way. Lousy, manipulative dog.
[at Mr. Burns' desk] Uh, Mr. Burns? I need to borrow some money.
Oh, please. Do go on. [about to press security button under desk]
I know you're a good man, [Burns pauses, takes hand away from button] but I have a dog that's very sick. [Burns presses button repeatedly]
[acting innocently] Oh, please. Continue.
I thought maybe you- [notices security guards] Oh. [being dragged out of Burns' office] Well, thanks for your time.
What makes a man endanger his job and... yes, even his life, by asking me for money?
People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers: if I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
[pause] If you did it, Sir?
Exactly! You'd be fit to be tied! Dogs! [scoffs]
[The Veterinarian fails to resuscitate a hamster.]
Hey, you did the best you could.
VVeterinarian
I love animals. I've spent my life saving them and they can never thank me. Well, the parrots can.
Fudd? I thought it took that off the market after those hillbillies went blind.
Oh, no. I went to this bar the other night and... [Moe cuts him off]
Wh-- Wait a minute. You went to another bar?
Moe, I was 100 miles out of town!
[Lurleen records a new song]
Oh the bases were empty on the diamond of my heart,
When the coach called me up to the plate,
I'd been swingin', and missin', at lovin' and kissin',
My average was point double oh eight.
So I spit on my hands, knocked the dirt from my spikes,
And pointed right towards center field,
This time I'm hitting a home run,
This time, love is for real.
I'll slide... I'll steal... I'll sacrifice
A lovin' fly for you,
I been slumping all season but now I found a reason,
I struck on a love that is true.
I used to play the field,
I used to be a roamer,
But the season's turning 'round for me now,
I finally bagged me a homer.
That's right, I finally bagged me a Homer.
SMStudio Manager
Um, Lurleen, we're gonna have to cut you off, we're getting some kind of grinding noise on the track. [cut to Marge grinding her teeth]
