Step a side ladies, I'm bringing the peace.
S20Gone Maggie Gone
S20In the Name of the Grandfather
G1Garda (Irish Cop) 1
So, it's a Smokeasy you're running, then?
[Homer and Grampa try to run]
G2Garda (Irish Cop) 2
So, it's escaping you're thinking of, then?
I can't tell if those are questions or statements.
G1Garda (Irish Cop) 1
So, it's our syntax you're criticizing, then?
S20Wedding for Disaster
So in summary, there are only two real commandments and the other eight are just filler.
[Trying on a tuxedo.]
This one's a little gay, isn't it?
SWStore Worker
Well the last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Ew. How'd you check?
So if you weren't married, does that mean I'm a bastard?
You were born when they were married, so in the literal sense, no. But in the sense of someone being angry at you, yes.
It's not a big deal. We'll just go to City Hall and get married there.
[to Homer and Marge] I think it's romantic: you can pretend you're newlyweds, starting a life together!
Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock!
[turns red in anger] Why you little bastard! [Grabs Bart and starts strangling him.]
That's the angry one!
[chokingly] Uh-huh!
MMoe
I'm selling all sorts of faith based knick knacks. [points to bumper stickers]
C6Channel 6 newsman
Let's take a look.
MMoe
[reading bumper stickers] I'd commit arson for the Parson. Clergyman can kiss my apse. And all kinds of gems. Surprisingly none of them have sold. Except for this one. [holds up button that reads "Welcome Parson"]
S20Eeny Teeny Maya Moe
[At Moe's.]
[to Maggie] Now you learn your numbers from these billiard balls while daddy gets happier and happier and then sadder and sadder.
How did your date go, Moe?
MMoe
Incredible. I've never felt like this before. It's like my heart wants to do her.
MMoe
You gotta make me shorter doc.
[laughs] What do you mean?
MMoe
I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.
What you're asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would perform that operation.
[Cuts to Dr. Nick.]
Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.
MMoe
No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.
Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.
[Pans to Largo.]
[screams] I look nothing like Julie Newmar!
MMoe
Who'd have thought that such a little woman could make me feel so big?
S20The Good, the Sad and the Drugly
[to Milhouse] We've got the how, we've got the who, but we don't have the why.
[with letter "Y" in his head] Here 'tis. [Yanks Y from his head and placed it on a desk.]
Oh, Bart. I don't care that this is just an act. You've finally become the boy every mother dreams of--A girl!
Are you saying our entire relationship is based on lies?
Not our entire relationship, just the stuff I said.
Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays.
If you don't stop smiling, you're gonna get a kiss!
[Maggie holds up a fan, which Lisa tries to kiss. Marge comes into the room and gasps loudly, and unplugs the fan]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.