I'm going to find Dondelinger and tell him I know what he did last summer...22 years ago...in the winter!
S20Take My Life, Please
Sector 7G? No, let the Lennys and Carls of this world waste their wretched lives in that testicle-shriveling torture chamber.
DDondelinger
The brown-haired girl gave me a look, The redhead in the park was reading a book, The girl at the airport upgraded my car, Tonight I wonder, just where you are...
S20How the Test Was Won
At the end of the month we're be participating in the Vice President's Assessment Test.
He stinks!
We're assessing you, not him.
Withdrawn.
Lisa, like Captain Kirk I'm not supposed to interfere but like T.J. Hooker I say what is on my mind. If you don't know the answer, just guess.
This test penalizes guessing.
It does? Alright NOBODY GUESS! Just be right! Get down on your knees, pray to your God, and ask him, no, DEMAND he tell you the answer and if he won't, he is no God of yours!
[after the women in book club are dying] Oh my God, Oh my God, we're totally liable! [notices the only woman you have left and began canoodling and making out]
Ohhhhh...yes. [but realizes the dream was so gross and unreliable] I mean... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! [camera zooms back out to see if Marge and the women in book club are safe]
S20No Loan Again, Naturally
This is so hard because I always thought Mom was the strong one.
She is. Look.
[Homer is crying as he is about to hang himself on a tree.]
Goodbye.
[He hangs himself, only for the tree to crash on his car.]
[getting up] D'oh!
How about a family outing?
Family outing? I'll start. Lisa's gay!
Hooray for stupid Flanders!
S20Gone Maggie Gone
There'll be another one in Yemen in 2027.
Now Maggie, I'll be watching you too, in case God is busy creating tornadoes or not existing.
C'mon lady, have a heart! I'm sure your husband does stupid things sometimes too.
[indignantly] I'm married to Jesus!
Pssh, yeah right. And I'm married to Wonder Woman!
Don't eat so fast! [talking to his hand that's pretending to be Maggie]
HSHomer's Hand
No! Me so hungry!
[to Lisa] You must wear your gown with modesty, not like Sister Marilyn.
SMSister Marilyn
[In a nun's gown, standing over a wind thing, mimicking the famous photograph.] Oooh!
Are you a bit of a Doubting Thomas?
More of a Curious George.
Well, little monkey, you should spend some time with the man in the yellow hat.
[Cut to Lisa in front of a picture of Jesus with a halo that looks like a hat.]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.