[Throwing an old water heater onto a pile of water heaters in the attic.]
Five more water heaters and we get a free water heater!
[Camera pans down showing the floor sagging over Maggie's crib due to the weight of five old water heaters.]
S20Father Knows Worst
I've never been called "fierce" before. "Strident." "Hectoring" has been tossed around.
I'm sorry, Moe. I didn't mean everybody everybody, hope you don't mind.
[In a dream, Homer meets the ghost of Oscar Wilde]
OWOscar Wilde
Homer, there are only two tragedies in life: One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
But that makes no sense.
OWOscar Wilde
Experience is simply the name we give to our mistakes.
Shut up!
OWOscar Wilde
These days, man knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Whatever happened to "Boo"?
S20Waverly Hills 9021-D'oh
ANAlaska Nebraska
I am so sick of fans in my food.
Get a room!
Come on boy, be cool.
But-
Be cool or you're grounded!
S20Four Great Women and a Manicure
KJKing Julio
[about Lenny] Guards take him away and put things inside of him!
GGuard
Nice things?
JJulio
No, not nice things!
MMoe
[upon seeing Selma naked] Whoa, someone call Beowulf! Grendel got in again!
I don't need a man, for I have England!
MMoe
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
Lord Jesus, although our country turned Protestant for the sole reason that our fat, mean king could dump his faithful wife, we know you're on our side. So please destroy these horrible monsters who believe your mother should be revered.
KJKing Julio
Normally I love to see flaming dream boats heading my way but not like this baby!! Not like this!!!
[After a dying Sideshow Mel praises William Shakespeare.] Well, if you see him in Heaven...tell him he sucks!
[The spirit of Marge is impressed that he gave out a terrific performance and implores him to audition for more Shakespearean plays by tossing script in front of him. Horrified, Homer chooses the easy way out and commits suicide by shooting himself.]
[Joins Marge as a ghost] Me reading all those plays would be the real tragedy.
[Homer is content with being lazy while Marge is frustrated and learns her lesson the hard way.]
S20Coming to Homerica
[At the Simpsons' house, Homer is sleeping on the couch; his stomach is rumbling.]
What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? [his stomach continues rumbling] Aww. Would some warm beer settle you down? [his stomach continues rumbling] Uh-oh. [gets up and runs off] Those barley burgers were tainted! Why did I eat twelve of them?! Why?! [runs to a bathroom door, only to find Marge using it]
Taken!
[Homer shuts the bathroom door, and runs upstairs to another bathroom door, only to find Bart using it.]
Occupied!
[Homer runs to another bathroom door, only to find Lisa using it.]
Hurling!
[Homer runs, looks both ways, runs into Lisa's bedroom, and vomits into her saxophone; his mouth gets stuck trying to get it out.]
Uh-oh!
Minnesota Vikings apparel? This is Tennessee Titans country!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.