[While watching outdoor silent movie Ned Flanders chose.]
This movie isn't silent, I can hear it sucking!
And all the snacks we bought are "heart-smart".
[referring to snack] What the hell is a radish anyway? It's like an apple did it with an onion.
S18The Wife Aquatic
We left plenty of food so you won't starve.
Oh, thank you.
I was talking to the cat.
Oh no, someone carved swastikas into your eyes!
I'm sure it was just some guy, who was filled with hate.
S18Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times
Homer no! Revenge never solves anything!
Then what is America doing in Iraq?!
JJudge
I sentence you to life.
You moron, I'm already alive!
JJudge
In prison! [hammers podium]
AAAAH!!!
G'morning dinguses! What are you doing, touching each others butts?
You're so dead you're alive!
[congratulating Milhouse on finding a way to take revenge on the school bullies] Milhouse, thanks to you, the nerds can breathe easy. Except the ones with asthma, which is all of them, but still, it's great!
Yep, having a weapon in school has really made things awesome!
Ow!
[giggles]
Pardon my birdie, I misjudged the privellian winds.
YOU EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF LISA!!
[Milhouse inflicts Wet Willie on Martin and another kid]
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Milhouse, what's gotten into you?
Over the years a lotta people have hurted me! Good thing I kept this list. [Shows Lisa a list of people have wronged him and then chuckles evilly]
No, no, you already got your revenge!
You wouldn't give me Chinese Cuts in the lunch line! [Inflicts Wendell a Wedgie] You laughed when I threw up in the Glass blowing tour! [Inflicts Lewis a Wedgie] Girls like you better! [Inflicts Richard a Stop Hitting Yourself] Your parents are married! [Inflicts the rest of the kids a Stop Hitting Yourself, Wedgie and Wet Willie]
Ay, caramba! [Back at the present] That's the only line I get in your stupid story?
There are no small parts, just small actors.
[Back at the story, Milhouse keeps inflicting punishments on his enemies]
NKNew Kid
This is my first day at this school! I haven't done anything to you!
You will! This is prevenge! [Inflicts Freshman Facial on the kid an falls on his face in a mud puddle, then Groundskeeper Willie walks by and sees the kid and Milhouse]
Well, look, it's Milhouse! What's the power glove for? Opening the cap on his weirdo pills? [Milhouse inflicts Ultimate Noogie on Willie which severes his head off, though he's still alive]
[walks by] Willie, clean up this mess!
Alright! [Starts licking his blood]
Milhouse, don't you see? You're addicted to revenge!
You'll learn to love it when you're my queen!
I see. [Chuckles nervously] While it would be an honor to be your queen...
Go on.
I feel it would be best if we just stay as friends.
NOBODY SPARES MY FEELINGS!! [Gets ready to shoot Lisa but starts to decide not to]
I can't do it, I can't hurt you Lisa! [Throws the glove away but then Nelson picks it up]
Ha Ha! You forgot about me 'Cuz I had the mumps! [Inflicts all the glove's options at Milhouse]
S18Little Big Girl
Yep, the Simpsons have never married or even shook hands with anyone interesting. In a world of 31 flavors, we’re the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.
And so, my proud people were nearly destroyed by the warfare, disease, and greed of the invading Europeans. Today, the Hitachees have dwindled to a handful, and our detailed genealogical records were cruelly destroyed by the white men. So, any attempts to research my tribe would be the ultimate insult.
Utah? Home of America's most powerful weirdoes!
UMUtah Minister
So, how many wives will you be marrying today, Mr Simpson?
Just one.
UMUtah Minister
What, are you gay?
Bart, take these volleyballs, fill them up, and throw them over the prison wall to create chaos and confusion.
[to Bart] You look kind of young.
Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
I'm very religious that way.
How religious can you be if you're pregnant? [Darcy slaps Bart] Good answer.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.