[When Darcy screams at Bart to get her strawberries]
Take my wife, please... hey, I finally get that joke!
S18Little Big Girl
[calling Bart] Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between "ketchup" and "catsup"? [Bart throws the cell phone away.] They're gonna cut my head off!
[to Bart while he's driving] Slow down! Watch out for that car. Your hands should be at 10:00 and 2:00, not 3:00 and nothing!
You know, it'd be a real shame if someone started investigating your Indian heritage!
[meekly] I'll be good.
[to Bart] You really are 10. I just thought you were really stupid.
I'm 10 and stupid! Look if I'm not a father then, who is?
A Norwegian exchange student. He's long gone, back to Norwegia. I wanted you to marry me so my baby would have a dad.
S18Springfield Up
Homer gave me a kidney once. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came with postage due, but it was a lovely gesture.
S18Yokel Chords
Seymour, Gary.
Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counciling from our school psychologist!
PPsychologist
[running out of the school] Dark Stanley's going to eat my brains!!!
Or, from a qualified professional.
[at Bart's last counseling session with school-paid psychologist Stacey Swanson]
...And then I had this dream that my whole family was just cartoon characters, and that our success had led to some crazy propaganda network called "Fox News".
S18Rome-old and Juli-eh
I have to warn you, I'm not good with details. Or the big picture. I also show up late. And drunk. [whispers enthusiastically] I have a good feeling about this!
Sorry I had to work so late. How did it go with the baby?
We're having a great time. I cleaned up all my best war stories for her. I was just telling her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers, [in a creepy voice] then had to tickle them out with machine hugs and fun throwers! [sinister zoom-in] They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn't.
SMSarcastic Man
Hey, you little brats. Get down from those battlements. Those boxes are for shipping. Not for creating a world of pure imagination. Give them back!
Not until we are bored with them. Now begone!
SMSarcastic Man
[Voice becomes deeper] I shall go. But I will return with an army of my brethren. And together, we shall take back what is ours and hell will rain down upon you!
What if we're not here?
SMSarcastic Man
We will come two more times. And then you will have to come to our customer's center. [Normal Voice] It's near the airport, where the old Crown Books used to be.
[Bart sees the A.S.S bringing reinforcements to attack their cardboard fort]
Who knew guys in brown shirts could cause so much trouble?
S18Homerazzi
EEditor
[looking through Homer's photos] Terrific! Outstanding! This has Page One written all over it! What the hell did you do that for?
[he holds up a photograph with "Page One" written all over it in ink]
I wanted to remember my place in the book I was reading.
[after fire caused by birthday candle] This disasterette was a real wake up call, we need to find a way to protect our irreplaceables.
FFirefighter
You could buy a fire-proof safe.
Or we could just resolve to be more careful with our open flames.
FFirefighter
Sir we've been here six times this month.
Yeah but, uhm, one of those I dialed 911 by mistake but I was too embarrassed to admit it, so I set the house on fire. Feels good to tell the truth... no I'm lying again it feels bad.
[while taking a shower by a fire hydrant] Can't you see I have privacy?
[the day after, looking at "Mrs. Mom" movie poster, which has a picture of Rainier Wolfcastle] Well, at least it got made.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.