Let's just have some milk and go to bed. [pours the milk, but milk liquid flies all over the place] Hey, this milk's broken!
It's got a computer chip in it. Everything does!
S11Treehouse of Horror X
[Homer is looking around the spaceship]
Ooh! There's Ross Perot...Dr. Laura...Spike Lee...
Wait, they're not that great.
Okay, there's Dan Quayle and Courtney Love...Tonya Harding...Al Sharpton?
[Tom Arnold walks in]
AAH! Tom Arnold?! What the hell's going on?!
Only that ship's going to Mars. This one's headed straight for the sun!
TATom Arnold
Yeah, ain't that a kick in the teeth? I mean, my shows weren't great, but I never tied people up and forced them to watch. And I could've, because I'm a big guy and I'm good with knots.
The sun?! That's the hottest place on Earth!
S11E-I-E-I-(Annoyed Grunt)
Ooh, you don't want to get Zorro mad. [accidentally pours hot butter on Marge's thigh]
You're pouring hot butter on my leg!
[after it's been decided that the family will live on Grampa's old farm]
I'll dig an outhouse!
I'll weed the floor!
I'll repress the rage I'm feeling! [plasters a fake smile on her face]
[Homer is offering tomacco to Ralph Wiggum and his father, Police Chief Clancy Wiggum]
Try some, won't you?
CWChief Wiggum
Go ahead, Ralphie; the stranger is offering you a treat!
[Takes a bit and immediately spits it out] Oh, Daddy, this tastes like Grandma!
CWChief Wiggum
[does the same] Holy Moses! It DOES tastes like Grandma!
I want more! [Starts devouring more tomacco]
CWChief Wiggum
Yeah, me too; so we take a bushel or a peck, or...? Oh, just give 'em to me. [Joins his son]
[chuckles]
S11Hello Gutter, Hello Fadder
[Homer tries to bond with Maggie by dressing up as a Teletubby]
[in baby talk] Look, Maggie, I'm Homie-Womie, the Teletubby. [sternly] And I'm all man in case you heard otherwise!
[playing peek-a-boo] Where's Maggie? Where's Maggie? [uncovers his eyes] Hey, where is she?
I think I know what they're doing here Lisa. They did it to Jesus, and now they're doing it to me.
Are you comparing yourself to our Lord?!
Well, in bowling ability.
[Homer is concentrating hard on bowling a perfect 300 game]
Miss! Miss! Sorry, I was calling the waitress. Uh, this split you sold me is making me choke!
Lenny!
What?! I paid $7.10 for this split!
Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad!
Hey! Spare me your guttermouth--
[Is cut off by Homer throwing a bowling ball at his stomach.]
S11Eight Misbehavin
[As Apu and Manjula await the results of the pregnancy test]
AApu
Here goes nothing.
AMApu and Manjula
[as symbols appear on the tester] Baby... baby... lemon.
All that sex for nothing.
AApu
Well, that is a pretty grim assessment.
[Apu is asleep with the babies]
Apu, it's 4 am. You're late for work.
AApu
Oh. I just had the most beautiful dream where I died.
Oh no you don't! Not til they're out of college.
AApu
Listen, I'll die when I want to!
[After Apu complains about his babies] Well, they can be a handful...of joy!
AApu
Shut up!
They can fill your life with-
AApu
Shut up!
Can't put a price on a miracle!
AApu
I can't believe you won't shut up!
LKLarry Kidkill
Listen, how would you like to come with me?
AApu
Okay.
Wait, you don't even know who he is!
AApu
Who cares? There's only one of him!
S11Take My Wife, Sleaze
The first meeting of Hell's Satan's comes to order.
I move that we reconsider our club name. Make it something a little less blasphemous. After all we don't want to go to hell.
How about the Devil's Pals.
No, see-
MMoe
Or the Christ Punchers!
The Christ Pu... I don't think you understand my objections.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.