Edna Krabappel quotes from The Simpsons

Edna Krabappel

This after showing the class the R-rated version of Romeo and Juliet! I thought that nipple would haunt me forever!

Bart

And here's comes Snowball II. This is the one we kept.

EWWW!!

Bart

We were gonna keep the grey one, but the mother ate her.

EWWWW!!!

Martin

Mrs. Krabappel, he's traumatizing the children!

Krabappel

As usual, I agree with you, Martin. Bart, shut that off and take your seat immediately!

Bart

Oh look, this is really cool. When I hit reverse, I can make 'em go back in!

AAAHHHHHH!!!!

My mind is made up! I'm not coming back and that's final!

Edna

Oh, Seymour.

And I'm not Seymour, my name is Armin! This is Armin's apartment, Armin's liquor, Armin's copy of "Swank", Armin's frozen peas.

Homer

Can I see your copy of "Swank", Armin?

Yes, you can. This is Armin's life, and maybe it's not perfect, but at least I'm back where I belong. I was born a no-goodnik, and I'll die a no-goodnik.

Agnes

Seymour! I didn't bring you up to use language like that!

Well, you didn't bring me up at all!

Agnes

To hell I didn't! I've been taking care of you for 26 years! I'm the only mother you've ever known!

But you have your real son!

Agnes

You are my real son! You've been my son longer than he has, and he doesn't need me, and I don't need him! Now you march yourself downstairs and get in that car!

Yes, Mother.

Agnes

And the rest of you, too!

Yes, Mrs. Skinner.

Marge

Good morning, Agnes. Mmm...how's your new son working out?

Agnes

That child is the most disobedient, smart-alecky middle-aged man in creation!

Edna

Hello, ladies. Is this the line for people who want to bad-mouth Sergeant Skinner?

Marge

And have ten items or less.

Edna

[discarding items] Twelve, eleven, ten, the man's a weenie!

Marge

Now be fair, Edna. I liked Armin Tamzarian too, but he was at least as big a weenie as Sergeant Skinner.

Edna

But he was "our" weenie!

All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.

Homer

Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!

Bart

You can't make us come down!

You adults are always giving orders!

Skinner

Well, you kids are always disobeying them!

Well, adults treat kids like children!

Kirk

Kids treat adults like cash machines!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Kids!

Adults!

Rev. Lovejoy

Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!

Homer

Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!

Marge

[embarrassed] Hmm...

Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]

Krusty

Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]

Marge

Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!

Edna Krabappel

Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!

Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]

Oh, what a bunch of brats!

We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]

Bart

Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!

Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!

Lisa

Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!

I just ate a thumbtack!

Adults! They're always telling us to--

[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!

Jasper

Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]

We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...

Don't you treat us like...

Can't you just lay off...

We're sick of all of you...

KIDS...TO...DAY!

We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!

Homer

Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?

Krusty

Yeah, you old fogies!

Buzz off, you old buzzards!

You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.

Skinner

Edna, look! A dimmer switch could ratchet up the romance in our love nest.

Krabappel

You mean the janitor's closet? Ha!

Skinner

Oh, what's the matter, Edna? Lately you just say "ha!" to everything.

Krabappel

I want a baby... Now! [Bart is watching them]

Skinner

Why don't we continue this in Pool Supplies?

Principal Skinner

[on the phone] Y'ello? Mother? [sighs] I'll be right there. [to Edna] Now she wants to get out of the tub.

Edna Krabappel

You've got to stop putting your mother ahead of me! We have a date!

Principal Skinner

I'll be back in three hours. [suggestive] Maybe less. [normal] But almost certainly more.

Bart

He's a wiener, Mrs. K. Just say the word, and his desk is full of boogers.

Edna Krabappel

That's sweet of you.

Edna Krabappel

[arms crossed] Are you saying that men and women are identical?

Skinner

Oh, no, of course not! Women are unique in every way.

[arms crossed] Now he's saying women and men aren't equal!

Skinner

[getting nervous] No, no, no! It's the differences...of which there are none, that make the sameness...exceptional! [desperately] Just tell me what to say!

Edna

We have shirts from other high schools.

Marge

Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.

Ned

Well, sir. Now we'll have an open marriage.

Edna

Um, you do know what that means?

Ned

No, but I'm sure Newt Gingrich wouldn't steer us wrong.

Edna

I know you feel guilty about about cold-cocking Homer.

Ned

Please don't use that word in bed.

Todd

Order! Order!

Ned

Now, we can't leave Springfield unless it's unanimous. Todd?

Todd

I vote "yes." I can finally get away from that ladybug that scares me.

Rod

I am tired of Mr. Simpson peeing in our bird bath.

Ned

Well, that's one, two, three, and...

Edna

I have to stay here in Springfield, because boys like Bart Simpson need me. Sweet, misunderstood boys, who just need someone to recognise the basic goodness that's trapped inside them and is desperately trying to get out.