TV show quotes
[Homer and Marge are wondering about what is going to happen after the 90s]
At least we know there'll never be a President worse than Bill Clinton. Imagine, lying in a deposition in a civil lawsuit. That's the worst sin a President can commit!
There will never be a worse President. Never.
Never.
You strays are going straight to the pound where you'll be put to sleep... by my boring stories. And then you'll be killed!
[after stepping out of the gas chamber at the dog pound] Gawrsh, this place is no picnic, but it sure beats working for Disney! A-hyuck! A-hyuck! A-hyuck!
Happy Valentine's Day, and shut your gob!
Who's the new meat in my seat?
Bart, this is Donny. He's here at our school because he was kicked out of P.S. 132.
P.S., that school sucked.
[The children laugh.]
Don't worry, Bart. Willie's bringing you something to sit on.
[Groundskeeper Willie brings in an old wooden desk with a toilet for a seat. Bart sits.]
Hey, Krabappel! Your name sounds like "crabapple". Did you go sour waiting for someone to pick you?
[sighs] Pretty much.
When I catch the culprit, and I will, I'm gonna throw this away. [Holds up a book titled Public School Punishment Guidelines] And use this instead! [Holds up a book titled Catholic School Punishment Guidelines with a picture of a kid getting hung on a cross. The children gasp.]
I never dreamed an American car designed in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be so amazing.
[A rat skitters across a railing, in an homage to the final shot of The Departed. Ralph appears from within a garbage can]
The rat symbolizes obviousness!
[voice only, in an abandoned locker as Cletus enters] Hey, I'm in here!
[voice only, inside the old locker] Be Quiet Robo-Potty!
Oh boy, dinner time! The perfect break between work and drunk.
So Chief, what's your final word on the Prince boy?
Hmm? Oh, dead. Definitely dead.
Uh, Chief, aren't we supposed to, uh, notify the family first?
What do you think I'm doing right now? [Smiles at the camera.]
Yeah, nothing's up, nothing's down, except for Martin, who died.
Idiot! [slaps Bart]
D'oh!
[Marge is suspicious of Homer, who is wearing a fedora hat and a trench coat.]
Homer, where are you going?
Work.
It's 4 o'clock on a Saturday.
I, uh, have to... count the atoms at the nuclear plant. Conservation of mass! It's the law!
Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
You're right. Let's watch TV.
I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
