TV show quotes
[sobbing] My baby boy is in jail. I'm the worst mom in the world.
It's not all your fault. All of these years I've watched you turn our son into a time bomb and yet I did nothing. So...in a way, I too am a victim...of you.
[Marge continues sobbing]
You're a great mom. You're always there for Bart with love and support. His acting out was caused by negative reinforcement! [They both glare at Homer]
Oh, I get it. Blame the strangler! Hmph! Hmph! Hmph!
Sir, some people want to use that dressing room!
[in the dressing room with his trousers down] Dressing room? Uh-oh...
[dancing chained to Bart] OK! Here's my rules. The inclusion is to no eye contact and I don't want to hear how pretty I look.
Don't worry, you won't. [Gina kicks him down] D'oh!
Remember, if anyone asks, you're my niece from out of town.
I am your niece, Uncle Joe.
[realizing] Good Lord! I'm an abomination!
So, why do you want to be a guard here?
I believe the children are the future... Unless we stop them now!
Welcome aboard. [Holds a nightstick] This ends for beating. This ends for holding.
When does training start?
It just finished.
Well my shift's over. I guess it's back to my bachelor apartment. Make a tuna sandwich. Turn on Will & Grace. And cry myself to sleep.
Hmmmm. Would you like to join us?
Didn't you hear me? I've got my evening planned! [He slams the door shut]
[after accidentally driving over a red ball] Oh my God, I've shredded a child! AGAIN! [races to a nearby road, heading for the border] Venezuela, here I come!
[at Moe's]
Homer, this bachelor party seems to have peaked. Could you please return my pants and/or underpants so I can go home?
Come on, it's your last night of freedom. You gotta have some fun!
Who are all of you people?
We're your buddies! Now come on, Homer's kid's principal, have a beer.
I can't; I might be called upon to give directions later.
SKINNER! You were asked to chug-a-lug, and a-lug you shall chug!
[chugs beer] There's something I've wanted to say to you for a long time! Am I a good principal?
You're the best we could get with the funds at our disposal.
[everyone cheers]
Why are you dressed as Catwoman?
[Dressed like Catwoman à la Batman Returns] They told me it was Catman!
Passion is for teens and immigrants.
[emerging from "Adult Video section"] Oh yeah. Brideshead's gonna get revisited tonight, baby!
[Looking on an airline computer] So, Mom and Dad are going to Atlantic City [Types on the keyboard] but their luggage isn't. [laughs] And Homer's getting a low-fat meal.
[Camera cuts to a plane flying]
Homer: [From inside the plane] Nooooooo!!!!
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. The computer says that the movie Chocolate Star Wars doesn't exist.
I say you don't exist!
No, I'm right here under "staff."
This must be what it's like to be in space!
You've been to space.
And yet, I have never been to me...
Now, ladies, when you agreed to do this show, you were told you would be living with a millionaire on his private island. Well, I'm afraid we've misled you. [the women gasp]
[watching show] Get ready, skanks! Here comes the Truth Train!
This isn't an island at all. It's a peninsula!
[walking away] This was supposed to be about trust!
[crying] I just want to get on that boat and go home!
Well, you don't need a boat, because you can walk.
[Watching the show] What do those women expect? When you sign a contract with FOX, you know you're going to be betrayed and humiliated!
Quiet, the commercials are on! [Everyone looks at him] If we don't watch these, it's like we're stealing TV!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
