[Bart heads into the bathroom, Homer comes out giggling.]
Wait 'til he puts his unsuspecting butt on that toilet seat. [He giggles again, while looking at "Squat-n-Squirt" box cover. A toilet flushing is heard.] Huh? Where the "ee-yow"?
[exits the bathroom] All yours, Homer.
But you didn't sit on the toilet.
I didn't have to-- I'm a dude.
[snatches Bart back to the bathroom, forces him to sit on toilet] Butt on bowl, little man!
[struggling to sit on toilet] Hey, my pants aren't down!
[Bart gets through his legs and forces him on toilet, which it sprays water.]
[Bart laughs at it.]
[turns red in anger] Why you little--! [angrily strangles Bart] Joke's on me, isn't it?!
[Bart stucks the electric toothbrush up Homer's nose, makes him vibrate on inside. Then Homer grabs shower hose and sprays it in Bart's mouth. Then Bart grabs the toilet cleaning brush and brushes inside Homer's mouth, which makes him strangle him again. The shower hose flies with water still on hits things off.]
[offscreen] What's all that racket?!
[gasps] It's old lady Simpson! Run! [he and Bart runs out of the bathroom]
[as she and Marge enters] What's going on?
Uh... I'll tell you what's going on. I'm taking you all out for pancakes!
[Marge, Bart and Lisa cheers]
Meet Maggie Simpson, IQ 167.
PPhilipa
167? That's amazing for a Christian!
[horrified] But, but my IQ is only 159! Maggie's more intelligent than me?
That's right, because 167 is a bigger number than 159. Do you see how that works?
[annoyed] Yes, thank you.
[Lisa comes to school dressed as a goth.]
What are you now, Lisa? An Oakland Raiders fan?
It's called "Goth," eternally clueless one. My new name is "Raven Crow Neversmiles."
Cool. We could be Goth together. We'll got to the cemetery and summon the dark Lord by kissing and junk.
Okay... but first you must apprentice, by kissing the Goddess Ironica. Who lives in this rock. Do it for an hour, hour and a half. [Lisa hands Milhouse a rock and leaves]
Yes, my mistress. [Milhouse kisses the rock]
Lets try another one. A little harder.
[Lisa shows Maggie the word octogenarian. Maggie points at Grampa.]
[Maggie points at Santa's Little Helper.]
[Sarcasticaly] That's right. This spells dog.
[Lisa gets caught in act]
[Angrily] Lisa ! You are purposefully teaching her the wrong words. Lisa, I'm surprised. Your sister just wants to learn and be like you. Well, maybe she needs a better role model.
[Homer makes phonic frog say, "I agree with your mother. You are a dissapointment to Huh, Oh, Muh, Eh, Er."]
[Lisa has ran away from home]
Lisa's gone, you have to find her!
CWChief Wiggum
Why can't you just accept that Lisa is old enough to look after herself. Back off and let her live her life.
WWiggum
Oh, I thought you said eighty. Well, we'll get right on it.
[voice only, in credits] Do we really need three of these people? Too ethnic. Change it. More like "Cart wrong". Worst voicing ever. Finally, a real celebrity. Oh, good. More producers. Just what they need! Him, I like. Yes, but what's he done lately? Very original. Simon Cowell as Simon Cowell. Well done. [silence as end credit music continues playing, sighs] I really don't care anymore. All useless! Do credits really have to go this long?
[cues Gracie Films logo]
[voice only] Oh, shush yourself!
My husband's going to jail and it's all your fault! Do you know why no one likes you?
No. Your problem is you never think of anyone besides yourself!
Marge! I think about a lot more than just moi. [In his thought bubble, a can-can kickline of Artie Ziffs appears]
AZArtie Ziff can-can dancers
Artie, Artie, Artie, Artie! Artie, Artie, Artie! Artie, Artie...
[Then a whole audience of Artie Ziffs, clapping to the music appears as well]
AZArtie Ziff audience
Ziff, Ziff, Ziff, Ziff, Ziff!
Oh... My... God. She's right.
[As Artie is going to prison] I have to admit. I'll miss having him around.
[Chuckles] I don't think we've seen the last of Artie Ziff.
[Snake walks up to Artie]
Yo, hobbit! I'm, like, your roommate. [Blows cigarette smoke in Artie's face]
Oh, smoker, eh? Well, I have ways of dealing with you. [Pulls out a spray bottle, dousing Snake's cigarette] Squirt, squirt, squirt! Your lungs will thank me!
Kids, you better take your last look at Uncle Artie.
[Artie notices more prisoners smoking]
Oh, look! There's a whole bunch of you! [He douses their cigarettes, too] Squirt, squirt, squirt! [The other inmates get up and start circling around him] That's it! Circle around me! Squirt, squirt, squirt, squirt! Squirt, squirt, squirt! Oh, I'm gonna need more water!
[Homer is on the phone with the rehab clinic]
I can't talk to my wife for 28 days? Sir, she is not an alcoholic. You can't put me on hold, I'll put you on hold. [singing] I am a lineman for the county. [speaking] Your call is important to us. Please continue to hold. [singing] And I drive the main road. [speaking] There are...eight... calls ahead of you. [singing] And the Wichita lineman is still on the li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-li-line.
