TV show quotes
For more information, visit our website, www.aljazeera.com, we're not affiliated, we're just piggy-backing on their message boards. [Attempts to hypnotize the audience with a moving photo of Rudy Giuliani] I am Rudy Giuliani, do as I command you! [Yes on 232 flashes quickly, but visibly] I am Rudy Giuliani, do as I command you!
Marge! Wait! [tries to hypnotize Marge with a moving photo of Rudy Giuliani] I am Rudy Giuliani, you must forgive Homer! I am Rudy Giuliani, you must forgive Homer!
I'm keeping you! You're Snowball V, but to save money on a new dish, we'll just call you Snowball II and pretend this whole thing never happened.
That's really a cheat, isn't it?
I guess you're right, Principal Tamzarian.
I'll just be moving along, Lisa. Snowball II.
I'm riding a unicycle with my pants down. This should be every boy's dream.
Hey, what gives? He's not killing me!
Ah-I'll tell you what gives, I'm afraid he is subject to Issac Asimov's Laws of Robotics, with the Sci-Fi, and the so many Books, not too many Good, my Robot is programmed never to harm Humans, you see, only to serve them.
Did you agree to be married to a drunken lout who wouldn't respect you?
Pretty much. We wrote our own vows.
This is horrible! What if Dad reads it ("The Harpooned Heart")?
It's too long; he won't read it.
Well, what if it gets made into a movie?
It's too sappy; he won't see it.
Well, what if they do a parody about it on MADtv?
[gasps] We're doomed!
I'll have to read Marge's book, and I swore never to read again after To Kill a Mockingbird gave me no useful advice on killing mockingbirds. It did teach me not to judge a man based on the color of his skin, but what good does that do me?
[Homer is working at Boris' Car Loft as a sales rep, he is in the sales office with a couple]
You probably want to talk this over, so I'll leave you two "alone" [laughs maniacally] Excuse me. [Homer joins the manager in the adjacent room to spy on them]
Well honey, what do you think?
Did that salesman cut one during the test drive?
Yeah, and for some reason, he turned on the radio to cover up the smell!
Let's get out of here. I'm not shaking that guy's hand! [they leave, the manager glares at Homer]
They'll be back. [looks nervously and turns on radio, the manager then grimaces at Homer]
[to Homer/Henry VIII] Divorce! Well, there's no such thing in the Cath-diddly-atholic Church! But it's the only church we got, so what are you gonna do?
I'll start my own church!
Whaaaaaaaa!?
Yes, my own church. Where divorce will be so easy, more than half of all marriages will end in it!
Your Majesty, I work for the Pope, and I think a celibate Italian weirdo knows a lot more about marriage than you.
[as aides are slicing his crown and other royal items in half] No fair! I invented divorce! How come you get half of everything?
You should have invented the pre-nup. Now, one half of your kingdom, please.
[Homer/Henry VIII holds up of map of the British Isles. He rips it in half and gives the left part to Marge/Margerine of Aragon]
[groans] I get Ireland?
Ha ha!
Animal House is a song by Homer:
All I know is the guy who played Mozart was also in Animal House. Now there's a movie with good music.
Animal House, House, House,
Nobody ever went to class.
Then we saw Donald Sutherland's ass.
Animal House, House, House,
Animal House, House, House,
Then the journey ends like American Graffiti,
Where you found out what happened to everyone...
Alright, the Columbia River! Now we just ride this baby down to the Pacific and get some sweet mermaid sex!
For the last time, those are SALMON!
It won't last. Brothers and sisters are natural enemies! Like Englishmen and Scots! Or Welshmen and Scots! Or Japanese and Scots! Or Scots and other Scots! Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
You Scots sure are a contentious people.
You just made an enemy for life!
Diamonds... because money equals love.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
