Judge Harm quotes from The Simpsons

Harm

Silence in my courtroom! [reads docket] Grand theft auto?

Bart

It was an accident, ma'am.

Harm

Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting!

Judge Harm

Bartholomew Simpson, I am sentencing you to 5 years in juvenile hall. [Raises her gavel as the family gasps, suddenly Harm's gavel is taken from her] Huh?

Judge Snyder

[Holding the gavel] Well, I'm back from my vacation.

Judge Harm

[tries to complain] But I was about to pound the gavel, making the sentence official!

Judge Snyder

[cuts her off] Sorry, but I put my clown down. [Gesturing to his clown knickknack on the bench]

Judge Harm

[tries to complain again] But, I was going to--

[cuts her off again] The clown is down.

Judge Harm

Ugh! [Storms off]

Bart using this doll, will you show the court where your father stolen money from you?

Bart

[pulls out the left pocket of the doll] Here and here. [pulls out the right pocket of the doll]

Let the record show he has pulled out the pockets from the doll.

Mr. Simpson, your son alleges that you have an anger management problem.

Homer

[angrily turns red] Why you little! [Judge Harm stares at him sternly] I... uh, I'm sorry, judge. That's a rare lapse in my normally calm demeanor.

Judge Harm

[disbelieving Homer much to the joy of Bart's lawyer] Could the stenographer please read back the previous statement?

Why you little...

Homer

[angrily turns red] Why you little...!

Bart

[laughs] The oldest trick in the book!

Homer

Why you little...! [to Judge Harm] Why you little...!

Judge Harm

No judge would send a pre-teen out on his own.

Homer

WOO-HOO! YOU'RE STILL MINE! AND YOU THOUGHT I WAS A BAD DAD BEFORE!

Judge Harm

[Eyes narrowed at Homer for rudely interrupting her verdict] Except in this case!

Judge Harm

That boy is about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack. Bart Simpson, I declare you emancipated!

Judge Harm

Further, I hereby garnish Homer's wages until Bart is fully repaid.

Homer

[thinking it's food] Mmmmm...garnish.

Judge Harm

That means half your paycheck goes to Bart.

Homer

What the...half goes to Bart, half goes to my Vegas wife? What's left for Moe?

Marge

Homer, don't make things worse!

Homer

[turns red in anger] I'LL SHOW YOU WORSE!

Homer

[being dragged out by the bailiff and embarrasses Marge] I WAS TOLD THIS WOULD BE TELEVISED!

Homer

I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.

Judge Harm

Mr Simpson, give me your license.

Judge Harm

Burn their poop.