MMoe
So uh, who are you guys anyhow?
MMulder
Agents Mulder and Scully, FBI.
MMoe
FBI, huh? Excuse me. [Goes to the back room, where two boys are hosing down a whale] All right, they're on to us. Get him back to Sea World.
S8The Springfield Files
[Homer encounters a glowing alien in a clearing]
[whimpers in fear] Please! Don't hurt me!
AAlien
Don't be afraid.
[Homer runs away screaming, creating "Yahhh!" in the grass as he goes]
SScully
Now we're gonna run a few tests. This is a simple lie detector. I'll ask you a few yes or no questions and you just answer truthfully. Do you understand?
Yes.
[Lie detector explodes]
MMulder
[after subjecting Homer to a physical and numerous medical tests, Scully has set him on a treadmill] Wait a minute, Scully. What's the point of this test?
SScully
No point. I just figured he could stand to lose some weight.
MMulder
[seeing the movement of Homer's belly] His jiggling is almost hypnotic.
SScully
Yes. It's like a lava lamp.
Please, just let it be?
No, I can't. This is my cause. I'm like the man who singlehandedly built the rocket and went to the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?
This Friday, we're going back to the woods and we're going to find that alien!
What if we don't?
We'll fake it, and sell it to the Fox network.
[chuckles] They'll buy anything.
Now son, they do a lot of quality programming, too.
[After a short pause, they both burst into laughter.]
I kill me!
And so, from this simple man came the proof that we are not alone in the universe, I'm Leonard Nimoy. Good night.
[off camera] Uh, Mr. Nimoy? We have ten minutes left.
Oh. Uh, fine. Let me, uh, just get something out of my car.
[He runs out of the room, starts his car and drives off]
I don't think he's coming back.
S8The Twisted World of Marge Simpson
MMan
That's the miracle of the franchise. You get all the equipment and know-how you need, plus a familiar brand-name people trust. You'll be on a rocket-ride to the moon! And while you're there, would you pick up some of that nice, green moon money for Royce McCutcheon!
No deal McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!
[Marge has decided to go into the pretzel business.]
What's my territory?
FOFrank Ormand
Your territory? Well, let me put it this way: wherever a young mother is ignorant as to what to feed her baby, you'll be there. Wherever nacho penetration is less than total, you'll be there. Wherever a Bavarian is not quite full, you'll be there.
Don't forget fat people, they can't stop eating.
[passing by] Hey, pretzels.
[Homer goes to Frank Ormand's house and a woman in black answers the door.]
I'm here to see Mr. Ormand.
WWoman
Of course. Right this way.
[In the living room is Ormand's funeral being held]
Oh, I guess I should speak to the executor of his estate.
WWoman
[whispering] He's right over there. [points to another coffin] They were in the same car.
[Marge arrives at the school loading zone. An unshaven and ragged Skinner appears]
Are you sure the children will get enough nutrition from these pretzels?
[monotonous] Yes I am sure. [a bandaged hand gives Marge money] Sure as sure can be.
Oh my God. What happened to your fingers?
LLegs
[off-camera] Boating accident.
I believe it was a... boaking accident. [a laser sight is aimed at his temple] I have to go now.
Greetings, Homer.
Hey! Fat Tony! You still with the mafia?
Uh, uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say...Mafia Crime Syndicate.
Oh yeah.
Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.
[Gasp] You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? [Disappointed] Oh, Fat Tony. I will bid good day to you sir.
Okay...I will go [exits the building]...Hey...wait a minute.
S8Mountain of Madness
[A sip is all that's needed to boost his batteries.]
We need some excitement around here!
Chinese checkers or domestic, sir?
No, no. Something fun. Something the men will enjoy... like a safety drill! But what kind? Meltdown alert? Mad dog drill? Blimp attack? Ah... I think a good old-fashioned fire drill today. [presses the "Fire Drill" button as the alarm goes off, most people just stare, intrigued]
All right, popcorn's ready! [takes the bag out of the microwave and pours kernels in a bowl]
Hey! That's the fire alarm!
We gotta get out of here!
[They run out of the cafeteria]
Wait for me! [filling a cup at the cocoa machine] Come on, come on, come on!
[All around the plant, it's panic and havoc. One man grabs an extinguisher, and proceeds to hit anyone nearing him.]
MMan
Get out of my way!
[Homer storms into his sector and frantically tries to decide which framed picture on his panel he should rescue. Out of all the family photos, he chooses a black and white of himself dressed like a cowboy.]
MMan
Fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire, fire!
[Mr. Burns and Smithers stand outside the plant, waiting for Burns' victims to evacuate.]
Is it supposed to take this long? What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the entire plant?
Forty-five seconds!
And what's our time so far?
I don't know, sir. This stopwatch only goes up to fifteen minutes.
Damnation! What kind of slow coaches do I have working for me? Ah. Here comes one of our fellows now.
[Homer runs out the door and shuts the door and secures it with a bench, before he runs, panting, to his boss.]
I think I won, Mr. Burns.
Yes! [Hauntingly] You won, all right! You won more than you bargained for.
Woo-hoo!
[Mr. Burns scolds his employees (who finally made an escape, albeit messily) for showing a lack of teamwork. Lenny and Carl get into a fistfight, proving his point. The crowd cheers the fight, but Mr. Burns shows disappointment.]
What a disgraceful display! I've seen more orderly behavior in a Ritz Brothers film. You all need a serious lesson in teamwork.
Maybe he does, but I don't.
Hey, you take that back!
No! You take that back!
Hit him, Carl! You too, Lenny! D'oh!
So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.
Teamwork is overrated.
Huh?
Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.
LMLisa/Marge
Yankees.
Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think we have to go to the retreat anyway.
[Employees are teamed up by pulling names out of a hat]
[Draws a name] Homer Simpson, and [draws another] Mr. Burns?
[Disappointed] AWWW!!
HSHomer's Brain
Quiet, you idiot. You're on the only team that can't possibly be fired!
[Intrigued] Oh...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.