S Shopkeeper
We sell forbidden objects from places men dare to tread. We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt.
Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
S Shopkeeper
Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. [picks up a Krusty the Clown doll] Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse.
[worried] Ooooh, that's bad...
S Shopkeeper
But it comes with a free frogurt!
S Shopkeeper
The frogurt is also cursed.
S Shopkeeper
But you get your choice of topping.
S Shopkeeper
The toppings contain potassium benzoate. [Homer stares] That's bad.
[Homer runs naked across the kitchen, trying to escape the Krusty the Clown doll and pass by Marge, Patty, and Selma, who are having lunch. Patty and Selma stare, wide-eyed, then lower their eyelids in disgust as they put down their forks]
There goes the last, lingering thread of my heterosexuality.
KD Krusty Doll Repair Guy
Yep, here's your problem. Someone set this thing to "evil".
[now a zombie] Hey Simpson, I'm feeling a might peckish! Mind if I chew your ear?
[Homer shoots Flanders]
Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!
[quizzically] He was a zombie?
Now, be good for Grampa while we're at the parent-teacher meeting. We'll bring back dinner.
Well that depends on what your teachers say. If both of you have been good, pizza. If you've been bad, um...let's see, poison.
What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad?
Oh no, I'm not making two stops.
Gee, maybe they mean it this time. From now on, I guess I'd better straighten up and fly--
[opens Bart's bedroom door as he carrying a pizza box] Bart. Don't tell your mother, but I brought you some pizza. Just promise me you'll try to be good.
That-a-boy. [leaves and closes Bart's bedroom door]
[eating his pizza, chuckling] Sucker.
[sings Jingle Bells while hammering on a mustard packets into the carpet]
[angrily catches Bart] Bart! Why are you doing that?
Well, this time you must be punished!
Well, you could punish me, but--
No tricks, boy. I said I'm gonna punish you. And come hell or high water, I-- [he hears a ice cream truck] Wait a minute! [gasps] Ice cream truck! [runs out of the house and shoves children out of his way to get a ice cream] Me! Me! I was here first!
[Scene changes where Homer and Bart are sitting on a curb eating a ice cream outside of their house]
Mmm. Now, what were we talking about, boy?
Uh, we were talking about the time you beat jury duty.
Oh, yeah. The trick is... to say you're prejudiced against all races.
Someday you'll thank me for this, son.
No, it's true. When I was a boy, I wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed and hit my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Dad, what's the point of this story?
Look, can I please go to the movie?
I know my punishment may seem a little harsh, but I can't go back on it. You're welcome to watch anything you want on TV.
[low, angry voice] I know you're upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that.
S4 Marge Gets a Job
Marge, I'm giving you a raise and a new office, right next to mine. [laughs]
But sir, that's my office.
Don't worry Smithers, I'm putting you where the action is.
[In the men's restroom, Smithers is cleaning the urinals with a toothbrush.]
Springtime fresh, winter white. What could be better?
[bursts in and unzips his fly.] Aw man, I really gotta...
So do you think I have a case?
Mrs. Simpson, you're in luck. Your sexual harassment suit is just the thing I need to rebuild my shattered practice. [he produces a bottle from his desk] Care to join me in a belt of Scotch?
It's 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah, but I haven't slept in days. [takes a generous swig] Last chance... [Homer and Marge don't respond. Hutz drains the bottle] Oh, yeah....
[a dream cloud has himself making bacon on the beach] Oh. Bacon!
This is where the Winfields hid their mutated son.
Bart, the Winfields didn't have a son!
See that sock over there? It was his only friend. [high-pitched voice] Hello, Lisa. Here in the dark, you won't need those eyes.
There are some who say the monster is still... [flips his eyelids] HERE!!! [Lisa runs off, screaming]
[Bart and Lisa are fighting while Homer is on the phone with a babysitter.]
[to Bart and Lisa] Shut up, you little monsters!! [to the phone] I was wondering if you'd like to babysit my little angels.
[On the other end of the line.]
W Woman
I'm sorry, this isn't Abby. This is her sister. I look after her now.
[Abby rocks in her chair and mumbles quietly to herself.]
A Abby
No, Bart... put it down... put it down, Bart... Bart, put it down.
MA Man at the Kabul
Sometimes I think you want to fail!
[Homer and Marge are sitting at their table at The Frying Dutchman, a waiter is taking their order]
W Waiter
I’m sorry ma’am but everything on the menu has fish in it.
What about the bread? Does that have much fish in it?
Well, I have some Tic-Tacs in my purse [looking through her purse]
W Waiter
Excellent choice. [writes on his notepad then turns to Homer] And for the gentleman?
All you can eat! All you can eat!
W Waiter
All right, when you’re ready, take this plate over- [holds up a small plate to give to Homer but he is already taking a tray from the buffet table]
KS Kitchen staff member
Please, don’t take the steam tray! Sir!
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