The Simpsons · Season 23
[After seeing Bart locking a door.] Bart, what are you doing?
Taking over the school. With all the kids inside.
What?! I'm telling mom!
Great, you can call her from the closet phone. [Locks Lisa in the closet.]
[offscreen] Hello, mom? You won't believe what Bart's doing.
There really is a phone in there? [Bart opens the closet door, revealing that Lisa was faking. Lisa sticks her tongue at Bart. Bart locks the closet again.] So immature.
[The kids threaten to destroy a photocopier if Willie breaks the door down.]
Willie, stay your tractor.
Ya can't just turn 'er on and off like that! [Skinner turns the key which turns off the tractor.] Oh, ah guess ya can.
Yar, just plastic. Which is healthier than what you find in the ocean.
Don't buy it. I bought one last year and it was crap construction!
Marge, my ice cream's melting and I haven't finished my brownie!
[to Mrs. Muntz who accosts him] Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.
Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?
There they are! Lets fry these calamari and serve them in a dipping sauce made from their own blood!
But why?!
Well, it's not so bad.
Well, it's a little.
For further communication, I will require more beans.
Halloween - the one time of the year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage.
I'm on the floor. I can't move. So far, a normal Sunday morning...
I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...
This is exactly why kids need a union.
Slay Montgomery Burns and pee in his ashes!
Are you sure, Lord?
If you're having trouble with the second part, drink a lot of water. Now I gotta go, a hip hop star is thanking me at the VMAs.
[About to pray.] Heavenly Father, I...
Quiet you! Your next divine whack job is a twofer. I command you to kill Patty and Selma Bouvier.
Patty and Selma? Sure they smoke and they don't shave much of anything. But do they deserve to die?
Do not question me, the star of the Bible! [We pan back to see Homer with his voice-changing machine.] Now, on a non-murder related note. I want you to find out what's making that funny noise in Homer Simpson's car. It goes chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, but you only hear it when you drive over 30 and you never hear it when you take it to the shop. [Homer's God voice comes through a speaker in Ned's Bible.] Then, it sounds perfect.
Yes, Lord.
Wake up, Flanders. There is no Hell and there is no God. If they're were, would he let him do this? [grabs a lighter to burn the Bible]
[breaks the ceiling] Why, you little...! [strangles Homer; he dies]
Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
