God quotes from The Simpsons

God

Homer Simpson, it's time you got what's coming to you... your Frisbee.

Homer

God ...?

God

[points finger at Homer] Thou hast forsaken My church!

Homer

Well, kind of, but-

God

But what?!

Homer

I'm not a bad guy. I work hard and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell?

God

[stops himself] Hmm, you've got a point there. [sits beside Homer] Sometimes, even I would rather be watching football. Does St. Louis still have a team?

Homer

No, they moved to Phoenix.

God

Oh, yeah.

Homer

You know what I really hate about church? Those boring sermons.

God

[sighs] I couldn't agree more, that Reverend Lovejoy really displeases me. I think I'll give him a canker sore.

Homer

Give him one for me.

God

I will. [pets Snowball II]

Homer

So I figure I should just try to live right and worship You in my own way.

God

Homer, it's a deal. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to appear in a tortilla in Mexico.

God

[voice only] Hey, wait a minute! [removes the sheet, revealing Selma with Marge's hair attached to it with tape on it] This isn't Marge, this is her fat sister; Selma.

Homer

It's Patty, chump! [takes off on his motorcycle]

Homer

Lord, you got a first-class destination resort here, really top notch, but I can't enjoy myself knowing my family is suffering.

God

Oh, don't you talk about family suffering with me! My son went to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to him, but he hasn't been the same ever since. [shows Jesus sitting on a swing looking down and spinning slowly]

Homer

He'll be fine.

Homer

Wake up, Flanders. There is no Hell and there is no God. If they're were, would he let him do this? [grabs a lighter to burn the Bible]

God

[breaks the ceiling] Why, you little...! [strangles Homer; he dies]