“Treehouse of Horror XXII” quotes from The Simpsons

Ned

[to Mrs. Muntz who accosts him] Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

Bart

Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?

Chalmers

There they are! Lets fry these calamari and serve them in a dipping sauce made from their own blood!

Skinner

But why?!

Chalmers

Well, it's not so bad.

Skinner

Well, it's a little.

Homer

For further communication, I will require more beans.

Homer

Halloween - the one time of the year where the squalor of our home works to our advantage.

Homer

I'm on the floor. I can't move. So far, a normal Sunday morning...

Marge

I take your sugary sweets and give you healthy items...

Bart

This is exactly why kids need a union.

Slay Montgomery Burns and pee in his ashes!

Ned

Are you sure, Lord?

If you're having trouble with the second part, drink a lot of water. Now I gotta go, a hip hop star is thanking me at the VMAs.

Ned

[About to pray.] Heavenly Father, I...

Quiet you! Your next divine whack job is a twofer. I command you to kill Patty and Selma Bouvier.

Ned

Patty and Selma? Sure they smoke and they don't shave much of anything. But do they deserve to die?

Do not question me, the star of the Bible! [We pan back to see Homer with his voice-changing machine.] Now, on a non-murder related note. I want you to find out what's making that funny noise in Homer Simpson's car. It goes chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, chigga, but you only hear it when you drive over 30 and you never hear it when you take it to the shop. [Homer's God voice comes through a speaker in Ned's Bible.] Then, it sounds perfect.

Ned

Yes, Lord.

Homer

Wake up, Flanders. There is no Hell and there is no God. If they're were, would he let him do this? [grabs a lighter to burn the Bible]

God

[breaks the ceiling] Why, you little...! [strangles Homer; he dies]

Lisa

Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room.